


Forget-Me-Nots

by marzipanpie



Series: Forget-Me-Nots [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: (at least first remembered meetings), Canon-Typical Violence, Colemance, During Inquisition, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Leliana's spy network, More tags will be added later, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, a lot of fluff, cliche title is cliche and i don't care
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6384733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marzipanpie/pseuds/marzipanpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leliana asks one of her agents to watch Cole while he's around Skyhold, and determine whether he's safe or not. Laura figures this mission would be a lot easier if she could actually remember the boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you aware of the boy that warned us of the Templar’s attack?” Leliana asked. She stared at her alter to the Maker, her back to Laura. Ravens flapped around the rookery, cackling at each other. One landed on Laura’s shoulder, and she shrugged it away as she thought.

“No, I’m afraid not,” she replied, frowning. A tiny smile graced Leliana’s face, and she looked over her shoulder to Laura.

“Are you sure? He spoke to you yesterday; consoled you over something, I think.”

Laura blinked, and looked at the floor. A raven waddled past her feet. Leliana walked towards her crooked wooden desk, and shuffled some papers as Laura rattled her mind. She didn’t remember anybody ‘consoling’ her yesterday. She hadn’t spoken to many people at all, apart from Leliana to report back on her mission.

Her mission… she had spent the majority of the day feeling depressed over that mission, but the walk between entering the gates and arriving at Leliana’s rookery to give her report had left her feeling unexplainably lighter. No less guilty, perhaps, but willing to admit that the guilt was misplaced.

“ _… couldn’t have controlled the arrow… thought you were prepared for… you didn’t know…_ ” a soft voice wavered through her mind. The walk from the gates to Leliana’s tower was rather fuzzy. She had been tired, and upset, and dazed.

Laura looked up at Leliana, who was now reading through a long letter. “I didn’t speak to anyone except you after getting back yesterday,” she said, confusion lacing her face. Leliana sighed.

“I suspected you would not remember him,” she said, “This will make things more difficult. But I hope you will appreciate the challenge.”

Laura’s eyebrows knitted together. “You want me to keep an eye on this boy?” she asked. Leliana nodded. “Who I’ve spoken to but don’t remember?” Again, Leliana nodded. She placed the letter down and folded her hands together; the typical pose she took when briefing her agents on their newest mission.

“Several weeks ago when the Templars attacked Haven, a boy came to us and warned us. His name is Cole. After arriving here, the Inquisitor allowed him to stay. He is… unusual. He possesses certain abilities, including making people forget about him, yet he claims not to be a mage. Solas suspects he is a spirit, yet not a demon, Madame de Fer is unconvinced he is not dangerous. Due to his ability to make people forget him, we have no way of knowing what his true intentions are. I would like you to keep an eye on him.”

Laura stood for a moment, taking everything in. She pursed her lips, and rung her fingers together. “What’s the difference between a spirit and a demon?” she asked. Leliana tilted her head.

“I am not entirely sure. Solas makes a distinction; however, I am still unsure as to whether he, too, is trustworthy.”

“How am I meant to keep an eye on him if I never remember him?” Laura asked. Leliana gave her a smile. It was not exactly emotionless, but it was professional, and didn’t reach her eyes.

“I am sure you will think of something. You are one of my most accomplished agents, and have undertaken many difficult missions since joining me. I have faith in you.”

Laura let out a long breath, puffing out her cheeks, before nodding. “Any idea where I can find him?” she asked. Leliana nodded down.

“Varric seems to have taken Cole under his wing. He is also quite close with Solas. Other than that, I’m afraid I cannot offer much more information on where he prefers to be. There doesn’t seem to be such a place.”

“Ok,” Laura said, and nodded to Leliana, “I’ll report back in a few days.” Leliana turned away, back to her desk, and Laura descended the stairs. In the library, she passed Tommon, one of her fellow agents, who had been assigned to keep an eye on the Tevinter Mage. Tommon raised his eyebrows at her as she passed, and she smiled at him, before taking the long way downstairs, pass Madam de Fer’s balcony, in order to avoid the Elven apostate. He made much of Skyhold’s staff uncomfortable, including her. She wasn’t sure who had been assigned to watch Solas; perhaps Leliana herself had taken on the task.

“-ave you seen Cole?” Laura looked up and blinked. At the bottom of the stairs, the Inquisitor was talking to Varric. Laura walked past them, and caught another agent posing as a servant girl by the arm, giving her a warm smile and a squeeze on the arm that said help me out here.

Behind her Varric gave a negative sound.

“This place is so large,” the other agent whispered to her, excitedly. They had never been introduced, but Leliana’s spies had a knack for recognising each other.

“I know, I barely know where to begin whenever I’m given work,” Laura replied, taking half of the sheets the agent was carrying.

“Haven’t seen the Kid all day,” Varric said to the Inquisitor. Laura listen under her own conversation, her mind expertly split in two between them, and herself.

“Where are we meant to be taking these?” she asked the other agent.

“He was spending a lot of time above the Rest the other day,” Varric continued, “seems to have set up some kinda living space there.”

“Down to be washed,” the agent replied.

“Thanks, Varric, I’ll check there,” the Inquisitor said, before jogging off out of the hall.

“I hope you don’t get lost nearly as much as I do!” Laura said with a laugh, as they passed Varric.

Laura finished the journey with the other agent, dropping off the sheets with a group of servants, before thanking her, and bidding her goodbye. She then hurried back across the castle to her room. The door jammed sometimes, and she had to ram herself against it a couple times before it finally gave way, letting her tumble into the tiny room. She shut the door behind her, tugged off her servant’s clothes, and pulled on another drab brown dress. She ran her hands through her hair, using her reflection in the grubby window, and then picked up a pencil and few pieces of parchment from the bottom of her bed, stuffing them in her skirt pockets. Giving a quick breath, she slipped on some shoes, and hurried towards the Herald’s Rest.

* * *

As she was walking back from the Rest a few hours later, Laura blinked and looked up at the darkening sky. Suddenly, she knitted her eyebrows together. She didn’t quite remember leaving the Rest.

No, she did remember leaving the rest. But she didn’t quite remember immediately before that. She stopped walking and looked back at the tavern, light still bright through the windows and loud voices still floating out the open door. She’d been sitting in a corner for the past couple hours, slowly nursing a mug of wine. Cheap wine. She remembered the bitterness washing over her tongue and throat. She’d also been pecking at a plate of bread, and she could remember the stale crumbs breaking under her teeth. She remembered Sera barreling down the stairs and swinging around the Iron Bull, loudly challenging him to a drinking contest. She remembered the boy who had bought her drink and bread over was an agent posing as a barman. She remembered the Inquisitor had come in shortly after her, and climbed the stairs. Laura had then watched those stairs intently for fifteen minutes, before… before…

She scrambled around in her pockets and pulled over the paper, bringing it close to her eyes to see in the dim light. On one of the pieces was a poorly drawn, long stick figure, with what she assumed was a large hat on the head. The hat was merely a straight ling half way down the shoddy circular head, but there was an arrow pointing at it, and, in her shaky writing, the words REMEMBER HAT. Under the stick figure were the words _TELEPORTS? TALKING TO IRON BULL – IB UNCOMFORTABLE. TELEPORTS. TALK TO BARMAN. LEAVE. BARMAN BLINK. FORGOT?_

She remembered writing those words, and drawing the shoddy stick man, but she didn’t quite remember what she had been seeing while she was writing them. And then… and then she remembered she had shoved her paper in her pocket again because… someone had sat in front of her.

“ _… still feel guilty but you know why… know you shouldn’t be… done this before… glad I helped…_ ” was there more after that? She pulled the other pieces of paper from her pockets and rifled through them, but she hadn’t drawn or written anything else. Quickly, she leaned against the wall and wrote down the flashes of speech she remembered.

He had spoken to her. And made her forget him.

She glanced back at the Rest for a moment, considering going back, before deciding against it, and trotting back to her room. 

* * *

The next evening, Laura was a pottering around her room, piling up the few books she used for research, fluffing her one thin pillow, wiping down her window. She opened a draw, and furrowed her brow, picking out a piece of paper.

_COLE IN GARDEN – GARDENER – DAUGHTER DIED IN HAVEN? – “YOU PLANT FLOWERS FOR HER. SHE LOVED FLOWERS. YOU HOPE THEY WILL HELP YOU REMEMBER. YOU WON’T FORGET HER. SHE WAS YOUR DAUGHTER.” … SOMETHING MORE CAN’T HEAR. … “FORGET.”_

She flipped through some more pages. _STILL IN GARDEN – CLOISTER SISTER … ANOTHER GARDENER … LITTLE BOY…_ each account ended in _FORGET_.

“ _…Are you watching me?..._ ”

He’d sat next to her. Appeared next to her and… that’s… all she had.

* * *

Laura sat on one of the high walls of Skyhold, peering down at the courtyard below. She had a piece of parchment resting on her knee and her pencil poised over it. She already had several things jotted down. Just people she had seen Cole speaking too. She only noticed him because of his hat. She’d been making her way across the castle, under the guise of a servant, when she’d looked down into the courtyard and seen Cole popping around people.

She wondered if she would notice him if she wasn’t specifically looking for him.

She doubted it.

She watched him talk to a frail looking woman, and wrote that down. Then to a healer, and she wrote that down too. She wasn’t sure what she was meant to be doing with all this information. She didn’t remember any of their own conversations. She wasn’t even sure if they ever actually had spoken, just hunches and assumptions.

And, as if he could sense her confusion, Cole looked up at her. He finished talking to the healer, and turned his head purposefully up to her. She furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head to the side.

“You _are_ watching me.”

She jumped. He was no longer in the courtyard, but next to her, standing steadily on the precarious edge of the wall, as if he didn’t fear falling. She could just make out his face though the shadows cast by his hat; blue eyes flicking under his hair, thin mouth twitching in confusion. She blinked up at him.

“You’re watching me,” he said again, almost unsure, “ _Why_?”

Laura sighed and looked down at the notes she had been making. Cole looked at them too, and then sat down, in one swift, easy movement, to see them better. “That’s my hat,” he stated. Laura’s eyes were drawn to her shoddy drawing of his hat in the corner. It was a far cry from anything artistic, but it was much better than the original version found on the first stickman.

“Yes,” she replied, “it’s the only thing I can properly remember about you.”

“You… write things down, about me. To make sure you remember.” Cole stared at the paper, his eyes flicking along her shaky writing, but not really taking it in, “people I talk to places I go. But you’re never sure what it means. It… frustrates you.”

Laura looked at Cole, and then out to the courtyard. “Why does everyone forget you?”

“I want them to,” Cole replied, “I need them to.” Laura tapped her pencil on her paper.

“What do you talk to them about?”

“I help.”

“Help what?”

“Everything.” Cole looked away from the paper, to the courtyard. “A man met another man but his wife died three years ago. His daughter wants her father to be happy. I… helped him… helped him realise that being with another person isn’t forgetting his wife.”

“And then you make them forget that they spoke to you?” Laura asked.

“Yes.”

“Because you… need to.”

“Yes.”

They sat in silence, and Laura looked at her notes, eyebrows knitted together. She wrote some more things down, her mind ticking through the information.

“You still don’t understand.” Cole said. “You need to understand. The Nightingale has eyes everywhere, but sometimes they can’t see what she needs them to. The Nightingale doesn’t need blind eyes; she can’t have blind eyes.”

Laura looked at him, frowning. “No,” she said, “she can’t.”

Cole looked at her, “Leliana told you to watch me because she thinks you can do it. A difficult task. Morris? No. Not experienced enough. Freya? No, too busy in the kitchens. Laura. You’ve been with her for seven years. You used to be small, and then you weren’t, and you were scared she would get rid of you. But you see the things she needs you to see, and say the things she needs you to say. She won’t get rid of you now.”

“How do you know all that?” Laura asked. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. No one but her and Leliana knew how long she’d been working for her.

“I help,” Cole said, simply. “I see the hurt, and I help.” He looked down at his hands, and started fiddling with his gloves, “You’re scared that Leliana will get rid of you if you fail. That’s the hurt. I hear it, and I help.”

Laura blinked slowly at him. “You’ve spoken to me before. Helped me before,” she stated.

“Yes.” Cole was silent for a moment, as if thinking back. “Catherine. Small and tiny and younger than you were. She was good at running from people but bad at running from arrows. You knew you couldn’t have saved her but you felt guilty anyway. You still do, but you know you shouldn’t. I helped with that.”

Laura nodded. “Apparently. I don’t remember.”

“No.”

Laura’s lips quirked into a smile, and she looked down at her notes again. “So you’re here to help,” she said.

“Yes.”

“And you make people forget because otherwise it doesn’t work.”

“Yes.”

It was silent for another moment. Cole began to rock back and forth. Laura looked up at him, peering under his hat, only just catching his face. She smiled. “Thank you,” she said. He looked at her, his eyes almost fearful.

“Yes.” He said. And then held up his hand. Furrowing her brow, Laura lifted her own hand, going to grab his arm to stop him, but he pulled away, so she just let her hand hang safely between them.

“Don’t make me forget this conversation.” She said, quietly. Cole blinked at her.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because Leliana wants to know if you’re safe. And I can’t tell her you are if I don’t remember ever talking to you.” She smiled, “And, I want to remember this conversation.”

Cole’s hand dropped fully, his fingers spreading over the stone. Still smiling, Laura glanced to the side, down to the courtyard. When she looked back up, Cole was gone.

* * *

“He’s here to help,” Laura told Leliana casually. Her arms were crossed and she leaned easily on one of the railings against the edge of the room. A raven landed on her shoulder and she fed it a crumb of bread, before shooing it away.

“You are sure of this?” Leliana asked. Laura breathed in deeply, the musty smell of the rookery filling her lungs.

“As sure as I can be after a few days,” she shrugged. Leliana made a noncommittal sound.

“You’ve spoken to him?”

“Yep.”

“And you remember it?” Laura nodded.

“Yes.” Leliana sighed, and watched Laura carefully. Laura shifted. “I watched him work, Leliana. I watched him flit around Skyhold and help people, and then they only forgot about him because he’s scared of what will happen if they remember. At least… that’s what I guess. He says his help won’t work if they remember, but I remember and he still helped me.”

“How did he help you?” Leliana asked. Laura smiled crookedly at her. Leliana let out an amused huff. Laura nodded.

“I think he’s safe. And I think you should tell the Inquisitor and the other advisors that he’s safe. And if… if I’m wrong that can come down on my head.”

Leliana raised an eyebrow. “You would put yourself on the line for a person you only remember meeting once?”

“I would put myself on the line for my mission, which you gave me.” Laura replied, her voice steady. Leliana nodded.

“I will pass your findings along. I would like you to keep watching him. No doubt you can find out more now that he will let you remember him.”

* * *

“You told Leliana I was safe. _Thank you_.”

Laura jumped, almost knocking her wine over, but she caught it before it spilled. She looked up to see Cole sitting opposite her. Around them, the rowdiness of the Herald’s Rest continued. But Cole somehow made their table quieter.

“You’re welcome,” Laura replied. “Do you want something?” she nodded at her plate of food, nudging it towards him.

“No,” he replied. Laura tilted her head.

“…Do you eat?” she asked.

“No.”

Laura let out a snort, and he looked at her, confused about what she found funny. She went back to picking at her food, and looked up, hoping Cole was still there. He was, watching a table a few yards away,

“How many times have we spoken?” Laura asked. Cole looked back at her.

“Five,” Cole said, and looked at the wall above her head, as if seeing the conversations there, “You forget three of them. When you came back from Orlais for Leliana. And when you watched me here. And in the garden.”

Laura rested her hand on her chin. “Thank you for letting me remember the last time.”

“You wanted to. Forgetting would have made it worse.”

“I hope you’ll let me remember this time. And times in the future.”

Cole looked at her, his eyes meeting hers briefly, and then flitting around her face, occasionally meeting her eyes every now and then. “You’re going to talk to me again.” Laura couldn’t figure out if it was a question or not, but she answered anyway, with a shrug.

“Well, Leliana wants me to keep an eye on you,” she said, honestly, “but talking to you is quite nice as well.”

Cole’s eyebrows knitted together and his eyes stilled at wherever they had been in their flitting; just at her ear. “Not many people think talking to me is nice.”

“You don’t let many people remember talking to you so they can form an opinion.”

“No,” Cole replied, “Varric says I should let more people remember me.”

“…Maybe you should tell Varric you let me remember you.” Laura suggested. Cole’s eyes flicked again, looking directly at her.

“Maybe.” He said. Laura smiled brightly at him, looked down at her plate of food to pick at it, and then looked back up, to an empty seat.

She glanced around the tavern, and just caught him murmuring to patron, before he disappeared again. The smile stayed on her face as she went back to her dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we go. I've been wanting to write a cole/oc fic for a while now, and I played around with a few concepts before finally settling on this one. I hope you're interested enough to keep reading once I get a few more chapters up, I hope I did Cole justice, and I hope Laura is interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a couple of days since Laura had seen Cole, which was getting frustrating, because she knew Leliana would be asking for more information soon. She wasn’t sure if Leliana wanted anything specific; she supposed this was an “everything” kind of job. She needed to find out exactly what being a ‘spirit’, and not a demon, consisted of. She needed to find out what he could do. What he _had_ done and what he wanted to do. Why he did it, why he’s doing it and why he’s going to do it. Where he’s been, who he’s seen, who’s _seen him_.

It briefly crossed her mind that maybe she _had_ seen him in the past couple days, and she just didn’t remember. But… but she’d asked him to let her remember. He seemed to have understood that she _needed_ to remember, that it would hurt her more if she didn’t. But…

That was only if she took his word about him wanting to help. To _help_. That was so… broad. Help? How? Help the Inquisitor defeat Corypheus? Leliana had told her that he had gone out with the Inquisitor on several mission.

“ _Everything_.” He had said, in their first conversation. Their first _remembered_ conversation. Every little bit of pain every person had. She’d watched him flit around Skyhold talking to everyone; servants, soldiers, visiting politicians. If they were near, if they were hurting, he spoke to them.

Or at least he had been, until he’d thanked her in the Herald’s Rest and disappeared.

He must still be around. He _must_ be. If he had left Skyhold, Leliana would have told her. Unless… Unless Leliana didn’t remember him leaving?

Laura sighed and ran a hand through her hair, her fingers tugging at the knots. This may not have been her most difficult mission ever, or her most dangerous, but she was sure it was her most confusing.

She wandered into Skyhold’s main hall with a frown on her face, keeping an eye out in case she spotted Cole’s hat somewhere.

She didn’t see Cole in the main hall, but she _did_ see Varric Tethras. Leliana had said he and Cole were close. He didn’t seem to be busy, just jotting a few things down on a piece of parchment. Laura chewed on her lip for a minute, before running a hand through her hair again, and walking over to him.

“Serah Tethras?” she asked, her voice low and cautious. Varric looked up, eyebrows raised at a voice he didn’t recognise. “I was hoping to talk to you,” Laura said, “… about Cole.”

Realisation dawned on Varric’s face, and he leaned back in his chair. An easy smile came over his mouth, and a calculating look filled his eyes. “Ah, you must be the agent Nightingale has watching him,” he said. There was a chuckle covering the concern in his voice, and if Laura had not been trained to notice these things, she wouldn’t have picked up on it. She let a bashful look fall over her face, as if she was embarrassed that she had been caught.

“Yes, Serah. Laura,” she held out her hand, and Varric shook it.

“Varric Tethras. Just Varric’s fine, never could quite get behind all that ‘Serah’ business,” he said. Laura hesitated, before sitting down in the chair next to him. She was about to speak, but Varric got there before her. “Y’know, the Kid told me about you,” he said. Laura raised her eyebrows.

“Really?”

“Yeah, said you had a couple conversations he let you remember. He said you told Leliana he wasn’t gonna cause any trouble; that you thought he was safe.”

Varric was looking at her critically, trying to catch her out somewhere, trying to figure out if she’d tricked Cole. Laura blinked at him for a moment, her face smooth and easy, letting him judge her fully before she spoke.

Finally, she said, “Yes, I did. A few days ago Leliana asked me to keep an eye on Cole; she has eyes on everyone in the Inquisitor’s inner circle, as I’m sure you know,” Varric gave an amused snort and nodded. His eyes flicked somewhere off to the side, but Laura didn’t follow them. She already knew the agent watching him was called Clarice. Instead, she leaned in further, lacing her fingers together. “It was a challenge. I’d apparently already spoken to him before Leliana gave me the mission, but obviously didn’t remember it. And we spoke a couple more times while I tried to watch him, which I then forgot as well. But I managed to write a few things down; everything I wrote was about him helping other people… or… about his hat.” Varric laughed, and Laura quirked a smile. “Due to his abilities, which I’m not entirely sure what they _are_ but… he knew I was watching him. And knew why, because I got frustrated about it. He told me how he wanted to help people, how he’d helped _me_ and… he helped me again. And then when I asked to remember that conversation, he let me.”

“But even though you’ve told Leliana he’s safe she still wants you to watch him,” Varric said. His tone was guarded and his eyes were shifting across her face. Laura smiled.

“Leliana wants everyone watched, regardless of whether she knows they’re safe or not. She even had one of her agents infiltrate the recruits to keep an eye on Cassandra; and they’ve known each other for years.” Varric looked almost surprised at this, and Laura shrugged, “Leliana wants to _know_. She wants all her corners covered, no information escaping her. Just because I’m watching Cole, it doesn’t mean she’s just waiting for an excuse to throw him out of Skyhold.”

She tilted her head to the side, blinking softly at Varric. He leaned back, mulling over her words in his head. “I haven’t seen Cole for a couple days, and Leliana will be asking me about it soon. And… even if Leliana hadn’t asked me to keep watching him I’d… I’d still want to see him,” she shrugged lightly, “I liked talking to him. The couple times I can remember, anyway.”

“Hm,” Varric watched her, his arms folded over his chest. Laura didn’t try to say anything else. Anything else would make her seem like Leliana had instructed her to gain his trust. Finally, he shrugged, and leaned forward again. “Well, I haven’t seen Cole since yesterday but… if I _do_ see him, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him. He’ll be happy to hear someone’s thinking about him for a change. Or he… might freak out. I’m not entirely sure how he feels about actually being known by people yet.”

Laura grinned brightly, “Thank you, Serah Tethras- oh, sorry… Varric.” He shot her an easy grin and nodded.

“You’re welcome, Laura, right?” Laura nodded as she stood up, and smiled at him again as she left.

* * *

 “Varric said you were looking for me?”

Laura jumped violently, dropping book she was reading, and looked to her side to see Cole sitting on the bench next to her. He didn’t look at her, and his hat was pulled low over his face. As she picked up her book, he began to rock back and forth slightly, staring forward. Even though he wasn’t looking at her, Laura still sent him a smile.

“Yes, I was!” she said, “I hadn’t seen you since the other night.”

Cole looked down, his hat tilting forward even further. “I told Varric I let you remember me. He was… happy. He thinks I’m learning. Thinks I’m making friends.”

“Well, aren’t you?” Laura asked. She folded the corner of her pager over and closed her book, placing it next to her. She looked at Cole and dipped her head, trying to see his face, but his hat was pulled too low.

“I don’t know.”

Laura hummed. “Well, I don’t know if we’re friends yet but… I’d like to be.”

Cole turned and lifted his head slightly. He didn’t quite look at Laura, his eyes were trained on her stomach, but she could just make out the bottom of his face. His lips rested in an easy line; neither a smile nor a frown.

“I’m not used to talking to so many people more than once,” Cole said, “Usually, I help, they forget, I leave. Usually I forget too.”

“Varric said something like that.” Laura said.

Suddenly, Cole looked up towards the sky. His hat slid back on his head, and he squinted his eyes against the sun. He continued to rock back and forth, his feet tapping against the floor every now and then. “Varric is used to people. He knows how to make them like him, and then trust him. A smile when they say their name and a laugh when he says his. _Charm them, tell them what they want to hear_. Even if he doesn’t like them, they usually like him. He… likes you. He said anyone who purposefully looks for me must be good in some way. But he’s scared you’re just Leliana’s lapdog.”

He looked away from the sun, and back to Laura’s stomach. She leaned back, and the movement caused him to look up. They’re eyes met briefly, before he looked off the side.

“Well, I’m certainly something of Leliana’s. I don’t think I’m her lapdog, though.”

“Not anymore,” Cole said. His mouth barely moved as he spoke, pulling the words from somewhere other than his throat, “Running after the red lady hoping she’s right about me. _She said she’d save me if I did what she asked. She said she’d teach me if I could learn._ You can hide and listen, catch words falling from nobles mouths as they talk too freely, take them to Leliana and tell her _everything_. Tell her when Henry is telling another man Leliana’s secrets, not seeing him for three days knowing he’s dead knowing it’s _because of you_. But she nodded and smiled because you did something useful, and you were happy enough because it meant you wouldn’t die.” His eyes met her’s suddenly, “You still want to be useful, but you’re not a lapdog anymore. Now you’re more like a carrier pigeon, giving her only the message she asked for. She thinks you’re better this way. Smarter.”

Laura watched him with wide eyes as he finally stopped talking. His eyes drifted away again, like he physically couldn’t keep them looking at one thing. Slowly, Laura pressed her lips together, swallowed, and then said, “I don’t think I’ve ever been called a carrier pigeon before.”

"You still think it’s better than a lapdog.” Cole said. Laura blinked.

“Can you… can you read minds, Cole?”

“Not exactly,” Cole said. Laura waited for him to explain, but he didn’t.

"But something similar?”

“I feel things. Pain. Hurt. Things that hold you back. I feel it. The chains wrapped around someone’s wrists or the hands holding onto someone’s throat. Like a pillow smothering you in your sleep. Or sometimes a cliff right in front of you. I feel it and find out why. Sometimes its pictures, sometimes its words. Sometimes I don’t know the words to tell it to you.” He looked at her again, for a second. “You’re still telling Leliana about me.”

“Yes, she wants me too. I’m sorry.” Laura replied.

“I don’t mind. You want me to stay. If I stay I can keep helping.”

“If you stay, maybe we can become proper friends,” Laura smiled. Cole tilted his head.

“How do you know if you’re ‘proper friends’?” he asked. Laura knitted her eyebrows together.

“I’m… not actually sure. You just… know, I suppose.” She shrugged. Cole looked towards the wall, and started fiddling with the bottom of his shirt.

“I’m proper friends with Varric. He said we’re friends.” His sounded confused, like he was trying to figure out why he was friends with Varric. Laura nodded.

“He cares about you. He wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to put you in danger with Leliana.”

“ _He’s watching me without watching me. Guarded eyes, easy smile, carefully chosen words. But I can play this game just like him_.” He almost sounded like her, dropping letters at the ends of words like she did, or awkwardly breaking up a syllable. It was strange, hearing her own thoughts echoed back to her.

“Yeah, we’re both pretty good at what we do,” Laura said. She wondered if Cole would tell Varric about this conversation later.

“Do you want me to?”

Laura looked at him. “I thought you couldn’t read minds?” she asked.

“Not exactly.”

It was silent for a while, and then she shrugged. “I don’t mind. You can tell him if you want.”

Cole’s eyebrows twitched, dipping together slightly, as if he wasn’t sure what to do with the choice. Laura sighed and looked up at the sun, before grabbing her book.

“I’ve got to go and see Leliana,” she said, standing up and looking at Cole, “Tell her about you. Insist you’re safe. Thank you for coming to talk to me. Hopefully there won’t be so long between now and our next conversation?”

Cole blinked. “If you want.” He said. And then he was gone before Laura could reply.

* * *

 Laura sat in the Herald’s Rest, looking around lazily as she picked at her bread. She wondered if she’d see Cole around; he seemed to like popping around the Rest. She saw him here often, when she was passing; catching his hat through the window, or seeing him helping people when she ducked in, either to grab something to eat or pick up some idle information. She didn’t see him now, though. She frowned, chewing her bread. Her eyes swept over a couple of agents walking towards her; Tommon, the elven agent watching Dorian, and Mariana, a small, pretty girl who was assigned to work with Madame de Fer. Laura wasn’t quite sure if ‘watching’ was the right word when thinking Madame de Fer; she was of such a high status that Leliana didn’t want to risk the consequences of being caught spying on her. But Mariana was definitely Leliana’s, and Madame de Fer definitely allowed her to loiter around her balcony.

“Heard you were on Inner Circle Duty,” Tommon said, setting his bowl of soup down opposite her. Mariana followed suit, sending Laura a smile.

“Eh?” Laura asked, a lump of bread half way to her mouth.

“You’re watching one of the Inquisitor’s inner circle. Leliana has at least one of us on all of them,” Tommon replied, “Maker, there’s at least five in this tavern purely for that Qunari.” He nodded over to the Iron Bull, “From what I’ve heard, he probably knows who each one of them is, and how to get rid of them if they find out something they shouldn’t.”

Laura shrugged, “Probably,” she said, popping her bread in her mouth and swallowing it, “But yeah, I’m on ‘Inner Circle Duty’.”

“Yeah thought so,” Tommon said, “I can’t figure out which one you’re watching though.”

Laura knitted her eyebrows together.

“Me neither,” Mariana said. Laura’s eyes flicked between them for a moment.

“I’m watching Cole,” she said. Tommon and Mariana glanced at each other, thinking through all the members of the Inquisitors inner circle. Tommon frowned and shrugged.

“Nope, don’t know a Cole,” he said. Mariana looked more thoughtful

Laura watched them intently for a moment, ripping her bread up, and then hummed. “Neither do I, really.” Tommon snorted.

"So she’s got you chasing shadows in the dark,” he said, “Typical Leliana.”

Laura frowned, “She’s never given us an impossible task.” Tommon snorted again, louder and harsher this time.

“Speak for yourself; I’ve had a good few impossible missions!”

“Maybe I’m just better than you,” Laura sent him a crooked grin. Tommon rolled his eyes and shoved a spoonful of soup in his mouth.

He swallowed heavily, and then lolled his head towards Mariana, who was eating her own soup carefully and politely. “So how’s watching _Madame de Fer_ ,” he asked. Mariana blinked, a small frown creasing her mouth.

“It’s fine,” she said. She spoke quietly and carefully, like she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to be heard, “She knows I’m there for Leliana, of course, and doesn’t hide her irritation at being spied on. But I’m the best person for the job; no one else understands high class life quite like me.” Laura wrinkled her nose; she often forgot that Mariana came from a rather respected and rich family; which one and from where she didn’t know. But she had wondered more than once what caused Mariana to leave them and become a spy. Mariana continued, after swallowing a few more spoonfuls of soup “She’s certainly strong willed and determined, and her intelligence is something to be admired.”

“They say she’s made of iron, but you think she’s more like ice.” Everyone at the table jumped violently. Tommon dropped his spoon on the floor and swore as he picked it up. Cole was sat next to Laura, staring mildly at Mariana. Mariana stared back in shock as Cole continued to talk. “Her words are cold and clear, sharp and stabbing like her spells. But ice can melt, if you make it warm enough.”

There was silence for a moment, and Mariana’s eyebrows knitted together. “I… I don’t… I mean… I suppose so?”

“Who are you?” Tommon asked, his voice brash and aggressive. Laura held out her hands, placating them.

“This is Cole,” she said. Tommon opened his mouth widely to say something, but Cole spoke first.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and held out his hand towards them, “Forget.”

For a brief second, Laura’s stomach squeezed painfully, worried she was about to forget about him completely. But Tommon and Mariana’s eyes glazed over for a second, before they went back to eating. Cole stayed next to Laura, letting his arms fall on the table as he began to fidget with his gloves. Laura stared at him, confused, before Tommon’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“What you looking at?” he asked. Laura looked at him, and her eyes flicked back to Cole. Tommon looked off the side, at the table next to them, “I hope you ain’t thinking of trying to pick up that soldier lady there. She’s got a pretty face but I’m pretty sure she’s got something.”

“I… no I…” Laura looked away from Cole and back to Tommon and Mariana, “No I guess I just dazed off.” Tommon rolled his eyes, and picked up his bowl, pouring the last few dregs of his soup in his mouth. Mariana looked at him, slightly disgusted, before setting her own spoon down in her empty bowl and smiling at Laura.

“I have to get back to Lady Vivienne,” she said, “I think I just need to engage her in more conversations about things she actually cares about. Maybe it’s not necessarily about making her trust me, just making her like me.” She stood up, smoothed down her skirt, and swept out of the tavern. Tommon sighed.

“Girl gets way too stressed over that mage lady’s opinion of her,” he said, “But yeah the Tevinter’s been asking for some pretty weird books. I need to find out why. Have fun chasing your shadows, Laura.”

“I’m sure I will,” Laura murmured, as Tommon hopped up and bounded away. Then she looked at Cole.

“You can make yourself invisible?” she asked. Cole frowned, still looking at his hands as he picked at his fingers.

“In… a way,” he said, “I hide from them. Wrap the fade around me and… if they’re not looking for me, their minds ignore me. But you were looking for me, so it was harder to hide from you.”

Laura nodded, chewing idly on her last mouthful of bread and swallowing. She took a mouthful of wine, before saying “You helped Mariana with Lady Vivienne.”

“Yes,” Cole said. He stopped picking at his fingers and placed them flatly on the table, “She says things to Mariana that hurt. Not because she wants to hurt, but because it’s the only way she knows.” He paused, and looked off into the distance. It took Laura a moment to realise that he was looking in the general direction of Madame de Fer’s balcony. “She doesn’t like me very much,” he didn’t seem bothered by this. His tone was the same soft, comforting tone it always was, “I… scare her. But she hides it as distrust and distaste, patronizes and pulls at insecurities to protect herself,” his voice suddenly took on a different tone; higher, more sophisticated, an imitation of Madame de Fer, “ _My dear Inquisitor, please restrain your pet demon. I do not want it addressing me_. If something goes wrong, she wants people to know she was right…” he stopped suddenly, and looked at her. Under his hat and through his hair, Laura could just make his eyes, almost fearful, “I’m sorry. I wanted to help you understand Vivienne, but now you’re angry. I didn’t mean to make you hurt more.”

Laura blinked, and sat back. She almost hadn’t noticed the heavy, hot feeling seeping into her chest. She took a deep breath, and sent him a small smile, “No its fine. I just… don’t really like it when people do that sort of thing.”

“I just want to help her,” Cole said, his eyes fazing away from her, his voice sad. “She won’t let me help her.”

Laura looked at him sympathetically and placed her hand softly on his upper arm. He looked down at it, unblinking. “You can’t help everyone, Cole.”

“…But I need to.” He was still staring at her hand intently, so she removed it slowly, resting her chin in her hand instead. Cole’s eyes drifted away again.

“You’re not a demon, are you?” She asked. She wasn’t sure if she sounded genuinely curious, or somewhat probing. She wasn’t entirely sure how she felt either.

“No,” he said, “I used to be. I thought I was a ghost but I wasn’t. And I thought I was helping people, but instead I did something wrong. But I’m not anymore. I came back, came… here. I’m not going back again.” In that last sentence, his voice became darker, and his eyes fixed on one point at the table; not in the idle, wandering way they usually found a place to look, but steady and determined. Laura blinked slowly.

“I don’t really know the difference between spirits and demons,” she said carefully, “But if what you are now is a spirit, I don’t think it’s that bad.” Cole didn’t reply, and his eyes stayed fixed heavily on the table. Laura pursed her lips, and tilted her head under his hat to get a closer look at his face, “What kind of spirit are you? Are there different kinds of spirits?” she asked.

“There… are,” Laura breathed a sigh of relief as Cole’s voice came out in its normal, calm tone. He looked at her as well, and followed her face as she sat up straighter, carefully pushing his hat up, “But I don’t know.”

“You’re a spirit that helps people,” Laura said. Cole smiled. His smiles didn’t quite form around his mouth, but his eyes lit up.

“Yes,” he said, seemingly pleased that she understood. Laura picked up her cup and tipped her head back, finishing off her wine.

“Well,” she said, “Whatever spirit you are, I’m glad you are the way you are. It makes it much easier to convince Leliana that you should stay.”

He was still looking at her, his eyes still bright and hat still pushed away from his face. “I’m glad you think that,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear lord Cole is bloody difficult to write. I knew he was hard from seeing other people talk about it, but I never quite understood how hard, I really hope I'm doing a good job. I also hope this chapter didn't come across as anti-vivienne, she's a wonderful character but I've found its very easy to go overboard when involving her. Also; Varric. I thought he'd be easier but no. I suppose it just comes with writing other people's characters. Either way, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter :)


	3. Chapter 3

“I don’t know what else you want me to say, Leliana!” Laura said, exasperated. She was stood in Leliana’s rookery, leaning against the railing, with her right arm pulled close to her chest so she could feed a raven idle breadcrumbs. “I’ve found what he can do, why he makes people forget him, what he wants to do. I’m still not entirely sure on the differences between a spirit and a demon, but that’s just because I don’t understand all that stuff! And honestly, I don’t think he does, either.”

She’d been reporting to Leliana about Cole every few days since she started remembering him. More recently, though, there hadn’t been much to tell. Laura had been seeing and talking to Cole more and more, usually finding him in the Herald’s Rest or the Courtyard, but more often than not, there was never anything she could tell Leliana. Mostly, they spoke about people Cole was helping, or Cole asked her questions, and sometimes they just sat in a comfortable silence. But she enjoyed their time together, and she was starting to get slightly irritated at Leliana’s insistence that there was something more dangerous about him.

“There is more, I know it…” Leliana muttered. She was stood behind her desk, looking at a map of Orlais intently, and sometimes shuffling to read several different letters. A raven cawed and landed next to her hand. She shooed it away and landed briefly on Laura’s head, before flying out of the window. “He was… hm…”

“He was what?” Laura asked. Leliana kept staring at her map for a moment, not really seeing it, lost in thought. Finally, she looked up, frowning. “You know of the White Spire, yes?”

Laura shook the raven off her arm and leaned even more heavily on the railing. “The circle in Val Royeaux,” she answered, “Played a major part in the Mage Rebellion.”

“Yes,” Leliana said. She walked over to one of the windows, and untied a letter from one of the ravens there. She didn’t open it to read it, however. She just stood there, staring out across the mountains. “I was there.”

Laura stayed quiet. She had known Leliana had gone to the White Spire briefly, but she wasn’t really sure why. Laura had been in Antiva at the time, for nearly a month with Tommon, helping an old friend of Leliana’s collect information on the Antivan Crows.

Leliana slid the unopened letter into her pocket. “Cole was there was well.”

Laura blinked, and stood away from the railing. “What?”

Leliana turned, looking irritated at herself. “I am sure of it. I am _sure_ he was there.”

“You don’t actually remember him,” Laura rolled her eyes, and fell back to the rail, crossing her arms.

“No,” Leliana said, “But one can make inferences.” Laura sighed and ran a hand over her face. Leliana went back to her desk, and took the recently received letter out of her pocket, finally opening it. “When you find out why he was at the White Spire; that is when I will be satisfied.”

Laura swallowed and looked down at her shoes. They were old, frayed, and dirty. She scuffed the heel of one on the floor. She breathed in heavily and looked up, “Anything else?”

Leliana looked up from the letter briefly, before back down, and answered as she read. “The Inquisitor has left with Solas, the Iron Bull and Sera to follow Hawke to Crestwood, in order to find Hawke’s Warden acquaintance. When they return, you and several other agents will be keeping an eye on the Warden.”

Laura nodded. “Ok,” she said. She pushed herself off the railing, and left the rookery, running her hands through her hair.

* * *

 

The Herald’s Rest seemed extremely empty without the Iron Bull taking up half an entire table to himself. A couple of Chargers were sat at the bar, but the rest of the mercenary company were either on a mission for their boss, or spending time elsewhere in Skyhold without Bull to bring them together. There was also a severe lack of agents. Without Bull there, all the agents assigned to watch him were taking it easy for a couple days. In fact, the only agents Laura could see was the barman, and another girl who Laura suspected was watching Sera. Even though Sera wasn’t there either, the girl was talking to the bard Maryden, asking her giddily about one of her new songs, apparently inspired by Sera.

Laura stood hesitantly by the stairs, looking at the floor above. She’d been trying to read in her room all morning, but now she had a headache, and her mind kept drifting to how she could ask Cole about the White Spire. She didn’t even know if Cole would be up there, but she knew he had some sort of living space up there, so if he wasn’t, she supposed she could wait. Finally, she sighed, and started climbing the stairs. She passed Sera’s room, but with her out of Skyhold, the door was shut tight.

She arrived at Cole’s… room. She supposed it was his room, and looked around. It was rather bare, but there were a few things around. A few… odd things. A box of cabbages were in one corner, and bags of sand in another. Old, grey pillows were piled under a small dirty window. Several daggers were scattered over a table. And on top of a barrel, on the other side of the room, sat Cole, cross legged, hat low over his face, twisting a dagger idly between his fingers.

“The words hurt… but you read them anyway,” he said. Laura leaned against the wall, watching his carefully. He uncurled himself and slid off the barrel, placing the dagger with the others on the table, and looked off to the side of her head, “They rise off the page, wriggling, rotating around your eyes. Sometimes the letters are wrong to you, even if they’re right to everyone else. You chose this book because the letters were… big but. They still hurt your head.”

Laura shrugged, “Never really been good at reading. Think it’s because I only learnt when I was fourteen.”

“No it’s… more than that. Your eyes don’t work properly. A boy in the White Spire was the same. He read things through a circle of yellow glass to help.”

“Yellow glass, eh?” Laura raised her eyebrows, “I’ll have to look into that.” She waited, wondering if he had mentioned the White Spire because he knew she was going to ask. She waited for him to speak, but he didn’t. Instead, his eyes shifted just a fraction, meeting hers, staring at her for a long while. Laura pursed her lips. “Leliana said you were at the White Spire.” Still, he didn’t say anything. “She doesn’t remember you but she guessed.” More silence. “She wants to know why.”

Cole still didn’t answer. He had stopped looking at her as well, and dropped his head down, his hat hiding his face. Laura knitted her eyebrows together and walked forward. She could hear her shoes, soft and old, padding quietly on the floor. Slowly, hesitantly, she placed both her hands on each of Cole’s upper arms, and dipped her head under the brim of his hat.

“Cole?”

“If I tell you, you might not want to remember me,” he said. His voice was even quieter than usual, she almost didn’t hear.

“Why?”

“Because I did something wrong.”

Laura breathed slowly. She could hear the rowdiness of the tavern, but it sounded far away. “Cole, everyone’s done something wrong. Everyone. I’ve done a lot of wrong things, you know I have. You’ve seen them in my head.”

“I lost my friend. He knows I’m not real now, and I lost him.”

“Lost who?”

“Rhys.”

Laura’s brow creased, and she sorted through questions and comments in her head, figuring out which one would pull out the most information while also showing her concern. Finally, she said, “…I’m not going to promise you my reaction, Cole. But I _can_ promise you that I’ll try and understand… whatever you did.” Cole still didn’t speak, and Laura sighed. “Here,” she said. She tugged on Cole’s arms, and sunk down to the floor, pulling him with her. They sat opposite each other, and Laura pulled her arms back, lacing her fingers together. Cole began picking at his gloves, and trained his eyes on the floor.

“In the White Spire, I didn’t know what I was,” he said, “I thought I was Cole. I thought I had died there, that I was a ghost. But I wasn’t. The real Cole was a mage, taken to the White Spire and left in the dungeons. They forgot about him. And he starved.” Cole’s eyes were slowly trailing across the floor. Laura’s eyes stayed on his shadowed face. “I heard him. Before I was Cole, I was in the fade, and I heard him. _Stomach starving, sick with swallowing nothing but air and darkness._ I heard him, and I came through the veil to help him. But I couldn’t. So I stayed with him. And when he died, I became him. I thought I was his ghost, thought I was the _Real Cole_.”

His eyes had landed on the daggers on the table. Laura wondered where he had gotten them all from; surely they couldn’t _all_ be his? “When I thought I was him, I heard the pain, like I do now, and I tried to help them. But I did it wrong. I killed them.” His eyes moved away from the daggers, following the cracked wood on the wall. “They wanted mercy. Thought dying sooner better than later. I killed them, gave them what they wanted. I didn’t know it was wrong, until a Templar proved I wasn’t real. I lost my friend. I left and became more me. What I am now. But I’m not the Real Cole. The Real Cole died, and I became him after.”

He stopped talking, and Laura waited for a moment in case he carried on. He didn’t. Laura took a moment to process everything he’d said. She swallowed, ran a hand through her hair, and breathed deeply.

“Ok,” she said, “Thank you for telling me all that.”

Cole looked at her slowly, his eyes fearful. “Do you… want to forget me?” he asked. Laura gave him a soft smile, and shook her head.

“No, Cole, I don’t want to forget you,” she lifted one shoulder in a sad, sympathetic shrug, “You killed people you shouldn’t have… so have I. So have a lot of people. At least you were trying to help them. A lot of us just did it for the coin.”

Cole’s eyes drifted away again. “But you know I’m not real now,” he said.

“You are though,” she said, still confused about that. He was right here, in front of her. How was he not real? Cole shook his head.

“I’m not the Real Cole. I only became him because I couldn’t help him. I’m not the Real Cole.”

Laura hummed, thinking. “I… honestly I still don’t really understand how all that worked. Don’t think I ever will but… but just because you weren’t always Cole, not… not _that_ Cole, but this Cole you are now… doesn’t mean you’re not this Cole now. You’re not the original Cole, but you are a different one. You’re you, and you are Cole and… and you’re real. And… oh, Maker I hardly even understand what I’m saying but… you’re real. To me, and to Varric, and to the Inquisitor, and everyone else who you let remember you.”

Cole looked at her again. He looked at her more often the more they talked, keeping his eyes on her for longer with less time between his flickerings. She took it as an improvement, that he was getting more comfortable, moving towards not needing people to forget him.

“You’re trying to help me,” he said. Laura smiled.

“Yeah,” she said. Cole frowned, and looked down, his hat covering his face.

“Thank you. For trying to help me,” he said.

Laura’s smile faltered, and then fell off her face. She tried to think of something to say, but couldn’t. She stayed for another few minutes, looking at Cole sadly as he continued to look at the floor. Finally, she leaned forward, and placed her hand lightly on his shoulder. He didn’t look up at her.

“I have to go,” she said, and let her hand fall away, “But I’ll talk to you soon, ok?”

Cole didn’t reply, and didn’t look up as she left.

As she walked down the stairs, she felt her stomach start tighten, anxiety gripping her. The further away from Cole she got, the more scared she got that she was going to forget about him. Even when she was halfway across Skyhold, and could still remember him clearly; could still remember the soothing tone of his voice, the tatters in his clothes, the dips in his face, she feared more and more that when she turned the next corner, he would suddenly be gone.

She started running, dodging around servants and skidding around corners, until she got to her room. She slammed the door shut, ripped open her draws and pulled out some parchment and a pencil. And then, for the next two hours, furiously scribbled down everything she knew about Cole.

* * *

 

Laura didn’t see Cole for a few days, and even though she didn’t forget him, she didn’t remove what she had written about him, just in case she woke up one morning and wondered who the terribly drawn boy wearing the ridiculously drawn hat on the middle of her desk was.

She reported back to Leliana the day after he told her about the White Spire. She told Leliana that, yes, he had been there. She told her that he had come from the fade to help a dying boy, and hadn’t realised he wasn’t a ghost until recently. She didn’t tell her that he had killed scared, depressed mages in some desperate form of mercy. And she didn’t tell her that Cole didn’t consider himself ‘real’. Leliana dismissed her with a satisfied wave, happy that she was correct in thinking that Cole had been at the White Spire while she was there.

A few days after that, the Inquisitor returned to Skyhold, with Sera, the Iron Bull, Solas, Hawke, and a Grey Warden in tow. Laura watched from one of the library windows with Tommon, seeing Varric stride out of the castle to meet them. If she had been closer, Laura was sure she would have seen an easy, proud smile hiding concern on his face. She watched as Hawke slung her arm around Varric, and almost heard their laughter rising up to them. Laura’s eyes darted around the courtyard, hoping to spot Cole. But she didn’t.

“You alright?” Tommon asked, bumping her shoulder with his. Laura blinked, and looked at him, frowning.

“Yeah, I’m good, why?” she asked.

“You just look a bit distracted, is all. You keep looking around, like you’re trying to find something,” he said, “Still having trouble with those shadows Leliana’s got you chasing?”

Laura sighed, “You could say that.”

Tommon shook his head, “I tried to give you a hand. Asked around the servants for a… Cole? It was Cole, right, I haven’t been asking about the wrong person?”

“No, his name is Cole.”

“Yeah, I thought maybe you might’ve missed something, but none of the servants knew anything. Sorry, I meant to tell you, but when I didn’t get any results, figured it didn’t matter.”

“It’s ok,” Laura said, quietly, “Thanks for trying.”

Tommon watched her as she stared down into the courtyard, her eyes flicking about frantically. There were dark shadows under her eyes, and her bottom lip was dry and split from where she had been chewing it. Tommon sighed, and resisted the urge to bump her shoulder again. Instead, he turned around, and started sorting through the books he Dorian had recently acquired. With Dorian somewhere else in Skyhold, Tommon has seized the opportunity to snoop through Dorian’s things.

“You know Leliana’s probably gonna tell us to watch that Warden,” he said, pushing an amused tone into his voice. Laura finally looked away from the courtyard, glancing at him, “Probably ask us to find out everything. When he became a Warden, what he likes best for tea, preferred colour of smallclothes …”

A giggled bubbled up form Laura’s throat, and she snorted, rubbing her hand over her face. “I’ll leave the more delicate questions to you,” she said. Tommon winked at her and grinned wickedly.

“Ah, I’m sure I could find out what colour smallclothes he prefers without having to _ask_!”

“Oh, Maker,” Laura groaned, before falling into a fit of giggles.

* * *

 

Leliana did, in fact, ask both Laura, Tommon, and a selection of other agents to find out small tidbits of information about Warden Stroud. Much to Tommon’s disappointment, however, she did not ask for preferred colour of smallclothes.

Laura managed to pull a story of two of battles against darkspawn from the Warden when she took him dinner under the guise of a servant one evening, but didn’t deem anything she found out important or threatening. She left Leliana a simple report, before making her way back to her room.

Halfway there, however, she saw Cole, sitting on one of the highest walls of Skyhold. It should have been technically impossible to get up there; the stairs leading up to it were collapsed, and no one had set up any sort of structures with the intention of rebuilding yet. She knew had probably simply appeared there, though.

She changed her course and made her way over to the wall, craning her neck to look up. Cole’s shape was dark against the sun. He rocked back and forth, kicking one of his legs against the stone under him. Laura sighed, and eyed the wall, measuring it up, before walking a few yards to the left, and examining the wall again. Finally, she hooked her fingers into a deep groove where a stone had once been, and hoisted herself up.

It took her about five minutes to climb the wall, pulling herself up, swinging and hopping from side to side when she ran out of suitable grips straight above. At some point, a servant, or a soldier, she wasn’t too sure, called up to her, but she ignored them. After a moment, they stopped, and Laura assumed another agent had recognised her and distracted them. Laura hauled herself onto the top of the wall, and took a moment to balance herself, before looking to her left. Cole was still a good few yards away. On the other side of a large dip, where part of the wall had crumbled away. Huffing, she took a few steps back, steeled herself, and then ran towards the dip. At the last second, she jumped, and landed smoothly on the other side without so much as a grunt. She shook her hair out her face, walked the final yard or so to Cole, and then fell down next to him.

“You wrote about me,” he said. His foot tapped harshly against the stone. Laura looked at him quizzically.

“What?” she asked.

“You wrote about me. Everything. After I told you I wasn’t real. You tried to draw me too, but you don’t think it’s very good.”

Laura’s mind drifted to all her notes scattered over her table. She knitted her eyebrows together and looked down. Servants and soldiers went about their business, looking tiny from their great height and she could see the garden on the other side of one of the walls. She continued looking around, and moved her eyes up. She could see Madame de Fer on her balcony, and, when she squinted a little bit, Mariana loitering in the large doorway. “Yeah I did,” she murmured.

“I… tried to find you,” Cole said. He stopped rocking and tapping his foot, and switched to fiddling with his gloves. He tugged at a stray piece of thread, pulling it tight and wrapping it around his finger. Laura looked at him. “I wanted to tell you something, but you weren’t in your room. I saw what you wrote.”

Laura watched him for a few seconds. He tugged too harshly on the stray thread, and it snapped away. He looked down and frowned, then started to unwrap it from his finger.

“I was scared you were going to make me forget you,” Laura finally said, softly. Up here, high above the bustle of Skyhold, they didn’t need to speak very loudly. “… Really scared you were going to make me forget you. And I really didn’t want to.”

Cole looked at her, the stray thread dropping from his fingers, down the ground below. “I wouldn’t make you forget me. Not now. Unless you wanted to,” he blinked, and his eyes fell to her jaw, “I’m glad you don’t want to.”

Laura smiled at him. “Why were you looking for me?” she asked, “You said you wanted to tell me something.”

“Yes,” Cole nodded, “You asked me what sort of spirit I was. I think I know now.”

“Really?”

“Solas says he thinks I’m a spirit of compassion. He… knows a lot. About spirits.”

Laura leaned back, placed her palms behind her flat on the stone, and rested her weight on her arms. “A spirit of compassion,” she said, grinning, “That makes a lot of sense.”

“Yes.” Cole said.

They fell into silence again. A lot of their conversations often fell into silence, when Cole didn’t disappear to help someone, or Laura didn’t have anywhere to be. Laura closed her eyes and smiled up at the bright sun. It wasn’t warm, exactly, and if a breeze started to blow, she would probably start to shiver. But it was nice enough for now.

“I think we’re friends now,” Cole suddenly said. Laura cracked open one eye to look at him, and then tilted her head, opening the other. He had pulled his left leg up onto the wall, towards his chest, and rested his arms on it as he stared across Skyhold. “You said when you’re friends with someone you just know. And Varric said you like spending time with them, and talking to them. And I like talking to you. So I think I know we’re friends.”

Laura’s smile got smile, and she nodded. “Yeah,” she said, “I think I know we’re friends too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Remember the very first three conversations Laura and Cole had?! Yeah, neither does Laura. But I actually wrote them, and have posted them [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6449596) , so now Laura can be the only one to not remember them!
> 
> I also set up a [tumblr account](http://www.marzipanpiefanfic.tumblr.com/) , which will feature updates on this fic, any other fic I start to write, a lot of dragon age, and probably some other stuff, if anyone's interested.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

The Inquisitor had left Skyhold again. This time she had taken Dorian, Solas, Cassandra, Hawke and Warden Stroud to The Western Approach to investigate the Grey Wardens. Laura didn’t really hear much about what the Inquisitor did while she was away, her work so focused on what actually went on _inside_ Skyhold, but from what she could gather, the Grey Wardens had descended into chaos, and the Inquisitor intended to find out why, and possibly fix it.

With Dorian gone, Tommon was mostly free, save for general information running which every agent was tasked with. He had already spent a day rooting through Dorian’s room and his possessions left in the library. Eventually, he had tracked Laura down, and dragged her to the garden.

“I haven’t actually been here since it’s been done up,” Tommon said, sitting himself on the ground against a tree, looking around happily, “It’s nice here.”

“Yeah, it is,” Laura agreed, sitting down next to a flowerbed, “How’s Dorian?”

Tommon scrunched up his face, “To be honest I’m really not sure how I feel about that Magister,” he said, and then shook his head, “Oh no wait, he ain’t a magister, he’s an _Altus_. But, y’know, I was all prepared for him to turn and kill us all, or like, sacrifice me for blood magic. You know, Tevinter,” he gestured wildly off to the side, and then to himself, “Elf. We don’t exactly mix. But…” he shrugged, “I dunno I heard him saying he hated blood magic to the Lady Inquisitor. And he doesn’t seem too fond of how Tevinter’s run. He’s just… still a Tevinter mage. And he reads some weird books, ’bout dead people and raising them and stuff.”

Laura blinked, taken aback, “That… _is_ blood magic isn’t it?”

Tommon shrugged, “Apparently not. Its necromancy.” He rubbed his nose, and then looked down, sad, “I dunno. I bet my sister could of explained it.”

Laura frowned. Tommon didn’t really talk about his sister much; she had been a mage, in the Kirkwall circle. After the Mage Rebellion began, Tommon hadn’t known for months whether she was alive or dead, until he finally asked Leliana if she could find out. She had been killed by Templars the same night the mage Anders blew up the chantry.

"You’ll just have to learn it all for her,” Laura said. Tommon nodded, and swallowed, looking around.

“We didn’t come here to talk about our loved and lost,” he said, his voice brittle but cheery, “How’s those shadows Leliana has you chasing?”

Laura sighed, and looked around the garden. The sun was bright, making the colours of the grass, stones and flowers all the more vivid. She looked idly at the flowerbed next to her and paused, tilting her head to the side. “Fine,” she murmured, in answer to Tommon’s question, “I think I’m getting somewhere.” She looked away from the flowerbed, and pulled her legs up, resting her chin on her knees.

They stayed talking for another couple of hours, eventually moving away from their work and moving onto more trivial things; the state of the alcohol in the tavern, Maryden’s newest song about the Templar Samson, the weather. It was a nice afternoon. Eventually, Tommon left, saying he needed to keep reading through Dorian’s books, but Laura stayed for a little longer.

After Tommon had left the garden, she turned to the flowerbed, and ran her fingers over the tops of the forget-me-nots patching over the soil. She glanced to the side briefly, before gripping a handful of stems, and pulling them away from the roots. Then, she left the garden casually, before one of the gardeners noticed she had just defaced their flowerbed.

* * *

When she got to the Herald’s Rest, Laura didn’t even look around. She headed straight for the stairs and strode up them. She passed Sera’s room, and saw Sera fiddling with her bow, but didn’t pay much attention. When she reached Cole’s room, she stopped.

He wasn’t there.

She frowned, slightly berating her own excitement, and crossed the room to the pillows piled under the window. They looked slightly dusty, and when she fell down on them, they were cold from disuse. She supposed Cole didn’t sleep much, if at all. She leaned back, wincing. The pillows were thin and lumpy. She sincerely hoped Cole _didn’t_ sleep, because if he was sleeping on these, she would be rather concerned.

She waited there for about twenty minutes, and was considering whether she should either just leave the flowers on the table, or come back with them later, when Cole appeared in front of her. His back was too her, but by the time Laura had grinned and jumped up, he had turned around. He tilted his head at her, and Laura held the flowers out in front of her, grinning even wider.

“I have something for you,” she said, nodding to the flowers. Cole looked down at them slowly, confused. He reached up and took the flowers from her, holding the stems in one hand, running his fingers over the petals with the other.

“…Why?” he asked.

Laura wringed her fingers together, and, still smiling, said, “Well, they’re forget-me-nots, y’know. And I… ok it sounds so tacky now I’m saying it but… well, I don’t want to forget you. And you _know_ I don’t want to forget you but… I dunno I just saw these in the garden and wanted to do something for you. It’s not much, and they probably won’t last long but… y’know.” She still couldn’t stop smiling. Cole bought the flowers up close to his face and pinched some tiny blue petals between his fingers, before releasing them carefully. Then he looked up at her, over the flowers and under his hat, and smiled brightly at her. If possible, Laura’s smile got even larger.

“It’s our friendship,” he said. Laura couldn’t tell if he was picking that up out of her head, or if it was his own thought, but she nodded.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“ _Thank you_.”

Laura laughed, and Cole looked at the flowers again. “You’re welcome.”

* * *

 

Varric cornered her as she was crossing the hall after reporting in to Leliana.

Or, perhaps ‘cornered’ wasn’t the right word. But she felt his eyes on her as soon as she came through the door, and, looking up, she saw him watching her carefully. When they locked eyes, he raised his eyebrows and smiled at her, nodding her over. Laura went, and sat in the empty chair at his table.

"Varric,” she greeted, smiling politely.

Varric leaned back in his chair easily, still watching her face intently. But there was a glimmer in his eye; one that wasn’t there the last time they’d spoken. “Just wanted to catch up,” he said, “Heard you and Cole have become pretty good friends since we last talked.”

Laura quirked a smile and nodded, “Yeah. I’ll admit, when Leliana told me to watch a boy no one could remember, I didn’t expect him to be such good company.”

“I’m glad you gave him a chance,” Varric said, sincerely. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “The Kid doesn’t really properly know a lot of people around here. And half of the ones he does are convinced he’s gonna kill everyone in their sleep.”

“I’ve heard about Madame de Fer’s opinion, yeah,” Laura said. Out the corner of her eye, she caught movement, and glanced up to see Mariana leaning over the edge of the bannister, as if Vivienne’s name had summoned her. Laura looked away and raised her eyebrows, just catching Mariana sweep away, before looking back to Varric.

“Yeah, she’s certainly vocal about that,” Varric sighed, “But more people are warming up to him. I don’t think Bull’s as terrified of him as he used to be.”

Laura snorted, “I can’t imagine the Iron Bull being terrified of much.”

“I know. Makes you think about what Cole could be capable of.” Laura’s slight smile faltered, and faded. Varric cleared his throat.

“Look, I didn’t mean for this conversation to go that way. I just wanted to thank you for not telling Leliana a demon was gonna destroy us all. Cole needed that chance, and I’m glad you were one of the people deciding whether he got it or not. Kid’s probably always gonna have to keep proving himself, but each person who trusts him must make it a little easier.”

“I hope so,” Laura said, quietly. She almost hadn’t realised how vital her word on Cole was, didn’t realise how much Leliana had trusted it. She must have had advice from Madame de Fer as a mage, Cullen as an ex-Templar, Cassandra as a Seeker, who knows how many other people, telling her that Cole should have been sent away. And yet Leliana had taken Laura’s word that he was safe, and agreed with the Inquisitor that he was allowed to stay.

Varric, seeing that her brow was slowly becoming more creased and her frown more pronounced, steered the conversation somewhere else. “He told me you got him some flowers earlier,” he was grinning at her, and Laura laughed lightly.

“Forget-me-nots, yeah. It seemed… apt. I dunno, he was upset over… not being real, or something. And that I might want to forget him so…” she shrugged, “he helps a lot of people, y’know? Figured I could try and help him. I don’t think he quite knows what to do when the roles are reversed though.”

“Nah, Kid’s still got a way to go. But hey, if we work together, we can get him there, right?” Varric said, “Still not entirely sure where _there_ is but… give him a chance to grow or something, I guess.”

“That sounds like it’ll be good for him,” Laura said, looking down at her hands.

Varric breathed in. “We should talk more, Raven, you’re a pretty easy conversation partner. And there aren’t enough of those ’round here.”

Laura looked up and raised her eyebrows. “Raven?” she asked, bemused. Varric nodded and smirked at her.

“Yeah!” he said, “You’re one of Leliana’s, and she’s got those ravens up in that tower of her’s. And I certainly wasn’t gonna go with ‘carrier-pigeon’, like what Cole called you once. Why, don’t like it?”

Laura blinked, and smiled unconsciously. “No, I do I just… never really had a nickname before.”

Varric’s face softened, and watched as Laura stood and pushed her chair in, still not realising she was smiling. “Well, I’m always happy to oblige. See ya ’round, Raven.”

* * *

 

Laura had known the forget-me-nots would die pretty soon. Cole, apparently, had not.

She’d been keeping an eye out for Cole all day, seeing him briefly in different parts of Skyhold, but hadn’t really gotten a chance to talk to him. But, as she was stepping through the door of the Herald’s Rest for dinner, she saw Cole at the bottom of the stairs, fiddling with something in his hands. Furrowing her brow, she walked towards him, and leaned against the bannister. She looked down, and saw the browning forget-me-nots; most of the petals had fallen away, and the stems brittle and snapped.

“You alright?” she asked. He was frowning down at the dying flowers.

“The flowers died,” he said. Laura looked at him quizzically, then glanced around, before nodding to him and walking up the stairs. When she arrived at his room, he was already there, standing by the table, where the rest of the dying flowers were left exactly where he’d placed them a few days previously.

“Did you… did you put them in water?” she asked, running her fingers over them briefly. Cole tilted his head.

“…No.” he replied. Laura couldn’t quite tell if she felt sympathetic or amused, but she sent him a small smile.

“You gotta put flowers in water, Cole. Makes them last longer, but they would’ve died eventually."

“I’m sorry. You gave them to me, and I couldn’t keep them alive.” Laura frowned slightly; he seemed genuinely upset that they were dead, and she wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“It’s alright, Cole,” she said, “Flowers die. They’re not meant to last long.”

“But _you gave_ them to me, so I would know you wouldn’t want to forget me. And they died.”

Laura sighed, and pressed her lips together. “Well,” she said, “I guess I’ll just have to get you some more.”

* * *

 

So she did. The next afternoon, Cole appeared in his room above the Herald’s Rest, holding a box of plumbs to peel to draw in flies to draw in spiders so the healers could use the webs for wounds. And on the table was a new, fresh bunch of forget-me-nots, sat in a glass of water.

* * *

 

The Inquisitor returned from the Western Approach a few days later, and suddenly, the atmosphere in Skyhold became tense and heavy. The Inquisitor, Cullen, Josephine and Leliana spent almost a full day in the War Room, with messengers running to and from various soldiers, agents and members of the Inquisitors inner circle.

“Something’s happening,” Mariana muttered. Madame de Fer was attending to private business somewhere else in Skyhold, so Mariana and Laura had her balcony to themselves. They watched as one of Josephine’s assistants ran frantically across the courtyard, where to and why, they didn’t know, but that same messenger had been running back and forth across that courtyard all day.

“It’s got to be something to do with the Grey Wardens,” Laura replied, “and what happened at the Western Approach.”

“It is.”

Laura and Mariana glanced behind them to see Tommon wandering over to them, “I overheard Dorian and Solas talking about their trip. It’s some pretty horrible stuff.” He fell into one of the chairs, and Mariana grimaced, not wanting it to be obvious that she had been using the balcony for her own entertainment.

“Well?” Laura asked, “I take it Leliana hasn’t told you to keep your mouth shut, so tell us the rest.”

Tommon frowned, looking serious. “From what I could gather, the Grey Wardens are under Corypheus’ influence. There’s blood magic involved; a lot of it. Something about them hearing this death song from the Darkspawn even when they shouldn’t, and them binding demons and trying to create an army. Dorian _and_ Solas sounded pretty shaken about it, and that’s a Tevinter and a Hedge Mage; they do some pretty wild stuff. If they’re shaken… well, it can’t be good.”

“A demon army…” Laura muttered, looking down. Josephine’s assistant ran back across the courtyard.

“I think we should start preparing for something terrible,” Mariana said. Her voice was quiet, her eyes were far away, and she looked afraid.

* * *

 

Later that day, Leliana called a small group of agents up to her rookery. The sun had already set several hours ago, and several agents had to be roused from sleep in order to go. Leliana herself looked as if she hadn’t slept in a long time; there were dark shadows under her eyes, and her hood was slightly askew, as if she had readjusted it several times, but couldn’t quite get it right.

Laura shuffled into the rookery and slid across the wall to stand next to Mariana and Tommon. Mariana’s hair was ruffled and under her jacket, her nightclothes were visible. Tommon, however, looked as awake as always. They were the very epitome of agents following the schedules of their targets. Laura had no doubt Madame de Fer was sleeping peacefully in bed, and Dorian was still pouring over books in the library below them. Laura herself had been on her way to bed when a raven had flown down and dropped a small roll of parchment in her hand.

“There’s never been so many of us up here,” Mariana whispered, “I told you something terrible is going to happen.”

They waited for a few more minutes, the agents muttering amongst themselves, and Leliana shuffling through pages on her desk. Finally, another agent arrived, and she looked up. There were nine of them, all stood in front of their spy master, waiting for instructions.

“As you all know, the Inquisitor arrived back from the Western Approach in the early hours of this morning,” she said, “She discovered that Corypheus has been manipulating the Grey Wardens into hearing the Calling; the song of an archdemon that tells a Grey Warden they are nearing the end of their life. The fear this has caused led to the Grey Wardens using blood magic to raise an army of demons, binding themselves to Corypheus. In order to stop this, we must attack Adamant. I am sending you all with the Inquisition’s army.”

She paused, and her eyes swept over them all. The agents stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue. Eventually, she said, “Clarice, Kyle, Morvin, Harvey, Maria; you will be storming the front gates with the majority of our soldiers and the Inquisitor. Keep her alive as she fights through Adamant. Tommon, Laura, Mariana and Leith; you will scaling the walls of the fortress with Hawke, keeping control of the battlements to make it easier for the Inquisitor once she gets up there. Again, you are to keep Hawke alive.”

Leliana clasped her hands together and looked at them all evenly, “Do not disappoint me. You will be leaving at first light tomorrow. Report to Commander Cullen at the gates. We must get there quickly, and end this quickly. There is little time to spare.”

* * *

 

Laura couldn’t sleep after that, she didn’t even go back to her room. It would only be a few hours until the sun rose; there was no point in sleeping now. Instead, she sat on the wall of the bridge connecting the library tower to Commander Cullen’s tower. She stared out across the horizon; the mountains created solid black shadows across the slightly lighter sky, the stars above hazy behind the thin clouds.

Mariana joined her ten minutes later, combing her fingers through her hair and pulling her coat tighter around her.

"So we’re storming Adamant,” she said, leaning her forearms on the wall next to Laura.

“Mm,” Laura replied, “I… Mariana I’ve never fought in a battle before.” Mariana looked at her, seeing Laura frown deeply up at the stars. “I know… I mean I’ve never been in a fight where there’s been more than… ten people… I don’t… I don’t know if I can fight a real, proper battle. With an army.”

Mariana sighed, and looked down. “You do know I’m about fifteen years older than you, yes?”

Laura looked at her, confused, “I guess.”

Mariana grimaced, “Did you know I was a soldier once?” Laura blinked, and shook her head. Mariana sighed again, rolling her neck to the side. “It was a… family tradition, I suppose. First born of each generation joined the military and… well I was at Ostagar.”

“I thought… I thought everyone except the Hero of Fereldan and King Alistair died in that battle?”

A horrible smirk twisted onto Mariana’s face; it didn’t look right. It made her look older, more jaded. Nothing like the polite, timid Mariana Laura was used to. “They did,” Mariana said, “Those that stayed, anyway. I was a deserter. It didn’t take very long for it to become clear the battle was lost. We were being _slaughtered_ , and, well, as soon as King Cailan was crushed by an ogre, me and a couple other soldiers just looked at each other, and ran. I can’t even remember their names, but there was old veteran and a young boy; Maker he wasn’t even eighteen. We ran for days, split up eventually as the boy and the veteran went to find their families, but… well I couldn’t go back to mine. They were all so _proud_ of the military history. We’d been joining for generations. So I went to Orlais. I suppose my family must think I’m dead.”

Laura frowned, “No offense, Mariana, but this isn’t really making me feel any better.”

Mariana let out a laugh, and the horrible, twisted expression fell from her face. “I apologise. What I’m trying to say is; you’re not a soldier. _I_ was never a soldier. We don’t fight like soldiers, and we don’t fight in battles. But Leliana’s sent me into a couple of battles for her before, and what I’ve learnt is that we can still fight like agents. We’re in a very concentrated area of Adamant; the battlements, to keep Hawke alive. They’ll be enough soldiers there to take most of the damage; we just concentrate on those enemies closest to us, like we always do. And, if the battle goes south and we start getting slaughtered, just remember that the notion of _honour_ that keeps soldiers fighting is completely misplaced. We are agents. We are made to run and hide. We do not desert, because we don’t win battles. We complete missions.”

Laura sighed, and nodded. “Well, I’m honestly not sure if that made me feel any better but… thanks, Mariana. Thanks.”

Mariana nodded and looked at the sky. “There’s no use in sleeping now,” she said, “But get something to eat, and prepare for leaving. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

* * *

 

Before the sun had even risen, Laura arrived at the gates, dressed in leather armour, with the Inquisition’s symbol embedded on one shoulder, Leliana’s on the other, and a dagger strapped to her hip. She reported in with Commander Cullen, took her place between Tommon and Mariana in the throng of soldiers, and pulled her hood over her face.

And then, just as the sun began to peek over the mountains, the Inquisition’s army began to march for Adamant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured if I was going to have a cliche as hell title, I might as well make the most of it. And I really couldn't resist having Varric give Laura a nickname, I really couldn't. Also, fun fact: the boy Mariana deserted Ostagar with was, of course, Carver.
> 
> And so Laura's heading to Adamant. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

The first trebuchet launched as the sun went down, the huge fireball hurtling towards Adamant fortress against the grey sky. As soon as it exploded against the old stone, sending debris and smoke miles into the air, the soldiers marched forward. Ahead of them, more soldiers began to ran, carrying dozens of ladders between them. More trebuchets fired as the soldiers planted the ladders in the ground metres from the fortress, and soldiers hopped onto the rungs as other soldiers pushed them up, letting them fall onto the walls.

Laura swung herself over the battlements and ducked under a swinging sword, ripping her dagger from her hip. She plunge the blade through the unprotected slit between the Warden’s helmet and chest plate, deep into his neck. She ripped it out, and swung at another Warden, feeling blood splatter her face, ash settle in her hair, and smoke fill her lungs.

Besides her, Tommon spun two daggers, one in each hand. She had always slightly envied his skill; Laura had never quite gotten the hang of dual-wielding. Instead, she used her free hand to hook her fingers under a Warden’s helmet, and throw him over the battlements, turning and ducking under a sword before he had even hit the ground below.

A few yards away, Mariana pulled arrows from the quiver on her back, notched them into her bow, and let them fly with a blur. Every now and then, she would simply stab an arrow through a Warden’s helmet, before pulling it sharply out and notching it. Other times she spun her bow deftly, blocking daggers or swords with it, or using it to trip up a warden before she threw them over the battlements.

Inquisition soldiers were still trying to climb the ladders, but the element of surprise had worn off quickly, and now the Wardens were easily holding them back, simply pushing them off the ladder or swinging their swords to cut them down before they’d even made it over the wall.

Laura slid under a shield as a Warden lifted it, kicking at her legs to send her back into Tommon’s waiting daggers. She jumped at a Warden by the wall, pulling him back and slitting his throat quickly. Leith, a Dalish agent of Leliana’s, looked straight past Laura, and threw her knife. Laura twisted, and saw a Warden with a knife though her mouth fall to the ground.

Up ahead, Hawke threw magic across the battlements. Fire and lightening bounced off the stone, cooking the Warden’s wearing heavy armour from the inside out, or simply melting the leather off the Warden rogues. Hawke’s staff was almost invisible from the speed with which she twirled it, the only indication of its existence the bright light from the end that was sometimes visible with the smoke cleared slightly.

Still, more fireballs were hurled from the Inquisitions trebuchets. As Laura narrowly avoided a sword to the stomach, she wondered if the soldiers below had broken through Adamant's gates yet.

Laura grabbed the dagger from the Warden she had just killed as he fell to the floor, hauled herself on top of a pile of crates, and threw the Warden’s knife at a mage aiming her spells at Hawke. Laura then jumped down from the boxes, landing on top of a Warden’s shoulders, and twisted his neck with the force of her fall. She rolled onto the floor, swiped her dagger at the backs of a mages knees, and shoved the mage over the wall as she stood.

Another rogue jumped at her. His face wild and angry, and he spat blood at her as their daggers clashed. He dropped one of his blades, and forced his hand around her throat. Laura’s breath stopped, caught somewhere between her lungs and mouth, unable to escape, as she was pushed back towards the wall. Her back pressed up against cold stone, and she felt herself being tipped back, until the Warden’s fingers suddenly went lax, and he slumped forward. Laura scrabbled away, and saw one of Mariana’s arrows embedded in his back before she threw him over the wall.

And then, above the shoutings of soldiers, the clashings of metal, and the sickening thuds of bodies falling to the floor, horrible screeching filled the air.

Laura swiveled around, her dagger arcing around her, and saw horrible, huge monsters sliding towards them.

“ _Demons_!” Hawke yelled. If Laura hadn’t been so close, she doubted she would have heard,

They towered above the Wardens and soldiers, killing the unprepared Inquisition soldiers with ease. Long, clawed hands sliced through their bodies, ripping them to shreds. Some of them had bodies of fire, and anyone who neared them were left on the ground with their skin melting from their bones. Others seemed to be made of mere shadows, fading out of existence until they suddenly materialized to plunge their smoky arms into a soldier and stop their heart.

Laura hadn’t even realised she’d stopped dead, until a shield crashed into her, slamming her to the ground. She would have shrieked, if the blow hadn’t knocked all the wind out of her. Above her, she saw the sharp edge of a Warden shield plummeting towards her face. She rolled out of the way just in time to see it crack the stone where she had just been. Coughing violently, she forced herself up, and lunged around the Warden warrior. She searched quickly for any weakness in his armour, but he was fully decked out, and his shield stopped her getting anywhere near the thin slit between his helmet and chest plate. So she ran, hurdling over a stray crate, allowing her dagger to slide through the flesh of a mage’s back instead.

On the other end of the battlements, the Inquisitor barreled up the stairs, pushing herself through the battle. Behind the Inquisitor came Warden Stroud, Laura hoped to the Maker none of the Inquisition’s soldiers mistook him for an enemy Warden, the Iron Bull, his huge battle-axe easily cutting through throngs of Wardens with each swing, Solas, twisting the Fade around him with green light, and Cole, appearing and disappearing, slicing through enemies before they even knew he was there, leaving before they had even died.

Laura turned away, and thrust her dagger through a Warden’s jaw. She turned again, and dodged an arrow flying towards her. She turned again, right into the body of a demon.

It swiped its claws at her, and she fell back, shrieking. It rose up her, and then bent over her, its misshapen spine moving grotesquely under its mottled skin. Its face fell inches in front of her’s, its mouth hanging open, jaw barely attached, rotting fangs dripping saliva and smoke. Laura swiped her dagger blindly, and missed. All she could see were those fangs getting closer and closer to her throat. She swiped her dagger again, and this time managed to slice through the demon’s body. The skin split open, hot, dark blood spilling freely over Laura. But the wound didn’t seem to do much to deter it. She sliced it open again and again, more of its blood pouring over her. Her dagger got lodged in its twisted ribs, caught between the bones, and her hands, slick with blood, slid away from the handle.

There was a blur of metal, and the demon flew away as the Iron Bull ran past her, swinging his battle-axe.

Weaponless, Laura rolled out of the puddle of blood and scrambled behind a cluster of boxes in a corner. It didn't seemed relatively well hidden, but she didn’t quite care.

She could taste blood in her mouth, but it wasn’t metallic and sharp like human blood; it was foul and dry and rotten. She retched and spat onto the floor, then wiped her sleeve over her mouth. She only succeeded in smearing more blood over her face, and she retched again and coughed, and then fell further into the corner. Her breath was caught between her lungs and her mouth, and she struggled to not suffocate on her own fear. Everything around her was dark, and the shouting and clashing and smoke was steadily becoming too much, assaulting her senses and cutting her mind off from her body and –

“I’m here.”

Laura convulsed in on herself and her fist automatically swung at whatever was now crouched next to her.

Cole caught her hand quickly, and Laura’s other hand came to grip at his sleeve. He looked at her intently, his eyes wide and jaw set.

“You haven’t died yet. But if you stay here you _will_ ,” Cole said. He spoke quickly, more quickly than she had ever heard him speak, and quietly, close to her ear, “A demon is just another enemy that looks different. You’ve fought lots of enemies. You’ve won every fight you’ve ever been in, even if you didn’t because you’re _still here_.”

Laura stared at him as her lungs suddenly dislodged themselves from the panic and she gasped in a strangled breath. She could taste blood and smoke and death but she was _breathing_. She uncurled her fingers from Cole’s sleeve, and he let go of her fist, and she went to grab her dagger from her hip, before remembering she had lost it.

“Here.” Cole pressed one of his daggers into her hand.

“Wha–? No–”

“It’s ok, I have more.” He pulled another dagger out from behind him, twitched his head to the side, and then disappeared. The entire exchange hadn’t taken more than ten seconds.

Laura took two more deep breaths, gripped Cole’s dagger tightly in her hand, and then hauled herself over the crates.

She slid the dagger through a Warden’s eye socket, and threw another over the wall. She turned away from a demon ripping up Leith, and dodged a blue streak of magic.

She saw a sword falling down towards her head, and then Cole was in front of her, catching the sword between his two crossed daggers. Laura darted around him, and easily slid her dagger up under the Warden’s helmet and back out. Her and Cole turned away, letting the Warden fall to the ground.

After another moment of fighting, there seemed to be a lull in the battle. Tommon threw a Warden over the battlements. Hawke froze one of the fiery demons, and the Iron Bull promptly swung his battle-axe at it, adding a brief explosion of ice to the smoke, stone and ash.

And then everyone paused. There were no more Wardens, and no more demons. Fighting from across the fortress echoed up to them, but there was no immediate clash of metal.

“Inquisitor, always a pleasure.” Hawke said. Her voice was tense, and her eyes darted around, but she smiled slightly.

“We need to the get to Warden-Commander Clarel and Erimond,” The Inquisitor said. She then looked around at her soldiers. “Hold the battlements.”

Just as she said that, more Wardens arrived on the battlements, with demons in tow. The Wardens shouted out war cries, and the demons shrieked horrifically.

“I have to go now,” Cole said, from beside Laura. She glanced at him, and then looked forward again to see a demon sliding towards her. Around them, the Inquisition’s soldiers had already sprung back into battle.

“Just… try not to die. Please.” She said. And then she spun Cole’s dagger in her hand, and lunged towards the demon.

She sliced open its torso, and slashed across its back when it doubled over. Panic began creeping up her stomach, trying to seize her lungs. The smell of rotting flesh and old blood filled her nose. As she slashed her dagger across the demon’s face, she began breathing through her mouth, focusing on the burning taste of smoke. Anything was better than the demon.

Two more Inquisition soldiers joined her in taking down the demon, and soon they managed to kill it. It slunk to the ground and dissolved into nothing more than blood and smoke.

Cole’s dagger was longer and heavier than her old one. Its edges were jagged, and it spun through the air quicker and smoother. The handle was rougher, too, gripping to her skin more efficiently, letting her fingers curl around it more. It didn’t take her long to make minuscule changes in her fighting style to adapt to it. The more blood that stained the blade, the more she got used to it.

Laura slid between the two soldiers who’d helped her, and aided Mariana in taking down a throng of Warden’s. Tommon appeared over a Warden, flipping him over the wall, before landing solidly next to Laura. The three of them fought like that steadily, with Mariana shooting faraway Warden’s so they weren’t overwhelmed, Laura occasionally darting forward to grab an extra arrow for Mariana, and Tommon blocking blows from swords with both his daggers when Laura couldn’t quite dodge.

And then a roar filled the air.

The battle hung in suspension for a moment; both Inquisition and Warden briefly frozen, looking up at the sky as a dragon soared down to the fortress.

They were broken into action when it spat lightening at them.

Tommon, Laura and Mariana scattered as a bolt landed between them. Mariana slammed into a wall, Tommon grasped his smoking arm, and Laura crashed through the same crates she’d hidden behind earlier.

“ _Is that the bloody dragon from Haven?!_ ” Tommon yelled.

“ _I think so!_ ” Laura yelled back, and then barreled away to give a soldier a hand with a particularly large, well-armoured Warden.

She barely noticed that Adamant was beginning to shake. That pieces of the ancient fortress was beginning to crumble and collapse. That the Warden’s stronghold was falling apart.

And then the world around them turned green. The night, the stone, the smoke, the blood; all of it shone with green.

Against the green, Laura saw the dragon again, rising up from the fortress and away.

And then the green dimmed, and disappeared. Laura looked to her left, and saw a Warden running at her. She jumped back, and he threw himself over the wall, unable to stop his own momentum.

Something was wrong. She could feel it. No more Wardens were coming to join those already there. And many of those that _were_ already there seemed to be retreating. Laura looked around and saw a bridge in the distance collapsing into nothing. She took a deep breath, held it for a second, and then yelled, “ _Get to the main courtyard_!”

Later, she would wonder why so many soldiers followed her order. She had no technical ranking within the Inquisition’s military; some of the soldiers may even had recognised her as a ‘servant’. Perhaps it was because she had barreled to the front and taken off with Mariana and Tommon. Maybe some of them recognised the raven on their shoulders as Leliana’s symbol, maybe some of them were just desperate for _some kind_ of order. But they followed her. And she almost wished they hadn’t.

The main courtyard was overridden with demons. Inquisition soldiers and Wardens alike fought them, cutting them down, only for more to rise up. And in the centre, a rift shone, offering the briefest glimpse into the Fade.

Laura could not see the Inquisitor anywhere. There was no Solas, no Iron Bull, no Hawke, no Stroud, and no Cole.

Laura’s breath stopped as a twisted, spindly demon sprung out of the ground in front of her. Tommon rushed forward and sliced his daggers through two of its legs. It fell to the side, but it dragged itself forward. Laura forced too much breath into her lungs, and then too much out, kick-starting her lungs into working again.

“ _WHERE’S THE INQUISITOR!?_ ” she shrieked, to whoever might know.

“ _SHE FELL INTO THE FADE_!” someone shrieked back.

“ _WHAT_?!”

No one answered her that time. They didn’t need too. If the Inquisitor was in the Fade, then all of her companions were too. Hawke, Stroud, Bull, Solas. And Cole. If they were in the Fade, were they dead? _Fell into the Fade_. Had they gone through a rift? How would they defeat Corypheus, close the rifts, without the Inquisitor? How would–

With her mind racing with questions, Laura didn’t notice the demon claws coming towards her.

She screamed as she felt her side being ripped open, and fell to the ground. For a moment, all she could see were the blood soaked stones of Adamant. And then a shadow fell over her and she rolled to the side by instinct. Demon claws scraped against the stone next to her face, and she twisted up and scrambled away. For a moment, the pain in her side was agony, until the demon started approaching and adrenaline flooded her body, numbing her pain to her mind.

Huffing through her nose, Laura launched towards the demon, slicing her dagger across its thin throat.

The rift in the middle of the courtyard sparked, and then ripped open even wider. And out ran the Inquisitor and her companions. The Inquisitor held up her hand, and green lightening sparked across the courtyard, striking every demon and pushing them down to nothing but blood and smoke. Then the Inquisitor turned to the rift, her hand still sparking, and closed it.

When it was gone, there was a brief moment of silence. And then cheering erupted. Laura let out a weak laugh, and wavered on her feet. Tommon rushed forward and caught her before she collapsed to the ground, and she jolted slightly.

“Shit, Laura, and here I was thinking I’d gotten the best injury this battle,” he muttered to her. Laura looked down briefly, and saw his right arm. Lightening sharpened burns stretched from his hand all the up to his shoulder, and even further, under his armour. Laura wondered if his arm really was smoking, or if the pain slowly returning to her side was making her delusional.

Laura shook it off, and looked around. There was the Inquisitor and Hawke, talking quietly in the middle of the courtyard. There was the Iron Bull… and Solas… and _there was Cole_.

He looked shaken. Scared. He looked around frantically, tugging his hat as low as possible over his face, and then pushing it up so he could see easier, only to pull it down again. His eyes met Laura’s as he pushed it up, and Laura sent him a small, tired smile. He only stared at her, eyes wide and frantic, before looking away again, pulling his hat down. Laura’s smile fell, the effort of keeping it on her face too much. At the edges of her vision, things began to darken.

“Were they… in the Fade?” she asked, her words mumbled and slurred. She blinked heavily.

“Laura? Laura are you ok?” Mariana was talking to her and Tommon was shaking her, but she couldn’t quite understand what was going on. Her head fell to the side, and her last thought was that Tommon had a surprisingly comfortable, if slightly bony shoulder.

* * *

 

“– Shouldn’t have offered an alliance. What _they’ve done_!”

“We need as much help as we can get, Tommon. The Grey Wardens are a _huge_ force with _a lot_ of skill. And they deserve a chance for redemption. I’ve seen what the Blight can do. It’s horrifying. Corypheus used that horror and manipulated them, made them believe what they were doing was for the greater good–”

Laura had been unconscious many times in her life. Her sense of hearing always came back first. Then came touch, smell, taste, pain, and then sight. True to normal order, she began to smell the bitterness of elfroot and blood. She could feel the thin, but soft blanket over her body. Her mouth tasted dry and metallic. Her entire body ached. And there was a deep, searing pain in her side. Only when her mind registered all that did she open her eyes. She let them flutter for a bit, before she finally saw the dark green fabric of the tent she was in.

Laura had waking up in horrific pain down to an art.

She groaned slightly, twitching her body to see how much she could move. Her bones creaked, and pain sparked from her side across her rips and stomach.

“Laura?”

“Mmm?”

“Oh, Maker you’re awake. I’ll go and get the healer.”

Laura’s eyes slid around until she saw Mariana standing up and ducking out of the tent. On the bedroll opposite her, Tommon was sat up, grinning at her wearily. There was a blanket laying over his legs, and he was shirtless, with bandages covering most of his body. They wrapped around his torso and over his right shoulder, leading down his right arm, covering his neck. The right side of his face was slathered in a thick, yellow paste, but Laura could just make out the injuries under it; raised lightening burns stretching out from the bandages, streaking across his chin, cheek, nose and forehead, stuttering to a stop around the centre of his face.

“You look like shit,” Laura muttered. Tommon snorted, winced, and then shook his head.

“I look a lot better than you do, trust me,” he said.

Laura huffed, and continued looking around. A box of bandages and potions was in the corner of the tent. Cole’s dagger was on the ground next to her head. “What happened?” she asked. Tommon blew out a breath, and she heard his blanket rustle.

“Well. After that dragon attacked and I got completely sizzled, which, by the way, means I’m going to have some bloody brilliant lightening scars for the rest of my life, the Inquisitor and everyone else went into the Fade. Like, physically. Into the Fade. From what Mariana’s told me, it was to escape falling to certain death, and apparently Warden Stroud sacrificed himself so the others could escape. After you passed out, the Inquisitor offered the Grey Warden’s a bloody alliance _which_ by the way, I think is a huge mistake. Mariana disagrees. Then Mariana dragged you’re unconscious arse here while I kind of stumbled along behind, and you’ve been unconscious for almost twenty four hours. We’re leaving for Skyhold in a couple hours, so you’ll probably be on a cart. I’ll have to walk, my legs are working just fine.”

At that point, Mariana re-entered the tent with a woman; one of the mages recruited from Redcliffe. Mariana settled down next to Tommon, and the healer knelt down next to Laura, lifting her tunic up.

“We’ll need to change the bandages,” the healer said, “Fortunately, the injury looked worse than it actually was. It wasn’t that deep, and nothing vital was damaged. In fact, most of the damage was probably done when you continued to fight _after_ you’d been injured.”

“Didn’t really have much of the choice, did I,” Laura grumbled. The healer helped her sit up, and Laura looked down at the bloodstained bandages wrapped around her middle. The healer unwrapped them, and Laura grimaced. A thick, angry gash ran from near her spine, around her waist, and stopped at her stomach. It was already scabbing over, but still weeping blood, and the skin around it was red and inflamed. Laura sucked in a deep breath and the healer began to smear some kind of paste over it, and looked over to Mariana and Tommon. Mariana looked tired, but mostly uninjured, except for few scrapes over face, and a burn mark on her left arm.

“Do we know how many we lost?” Laura asked, trying to take her mind of the healers prodding fingers.

“A lot,” Mariana answered, frowning, “And there are a lot of injuries too. Its thanks to Leliana you’re both getting this tent, otherwise you’d just be cramped into one of the general tents with about twenty soldiers. Of our own, Leith and Kyle are dead. Clarice broke her arm but took it upon herself to leave this tent and join the other soldiers.”

Laura nodded as the healer pressed her hands into her side, and Laura felt warm magic seeping into her muscles. “With the help of magic, you should heal up in a few weeks. So long as you take it easy,” the healer said, “You’ll be left with quite a bad scar though.”

“Ah I’ve already got some of those, what’s one more,” Laura replied. She absently ran her right foot over her left calf, where she could feel the raise, rubbery scarring where her skin had tried to grow back after being burned away.

“It’s not gonna look as amazing as mine, though is it?” Tommon asked, cracking a smile, which he promptly dropped as it irritated the burns on his face. Mariana sent him a scowl.

“You almost died, Tommon!” she said. The healer began wrapping clean bandages around Laura’s middle.

“Yeah, but I didn’t, did I. And now I can tell people I was attacked by a dragon breathing lightening.”

Mariana clenched her jaw, breathed evenly, and looked at Laura. The healer tied the bandages, and then handed Laura a bottle full of brown liquid.

“Here, it will help with the pain, and speed up the healing process. I have other patients to attend to, I’ll check back in with you in a few hours.” The healer got up and left. Laura opened the bottle and peered down at it, grimacing.

“I hate healing potions; they taste horrible.” She muttered, before taking a swig and resisting the urge to retch.

“Someone came to see you earlier,” Mariana said, once she’d set the bottle down.

“Who?” Laura asked, looking up, suddenly hoping they wouldn’t actually be able to answer.

“Oh, it was um… it was… a… a boy?” Mariana looked at Tommon, confused. Laura perked up and she felt her heart swell slightly. She hadn’t thought about Cole since she’d woken up, too preoccupied with the pain. But he was definitely alive, and he had come to see her.

“Was I asleep then?” Tommon asked, “I don’t remember anyone coming to see her.”

Mariana shook her head, “No, you were definitely awake. You… insulted his hat?”

“You insulted his hat?” Laura asked, sharply, somewhat offended on Cole’s behalf. Tommon looked back at her, bewildered.

“I don’t… I don’t remember any _hat_ ,” he said. Laura sighed, and lied back down, staring up at the tent.

“Of course you don’t,” she murmured, closing her eyes.

* * *

 

She was woken several hours later something shuffling beside her. She opened her eyes, squinting slightly in the dark, and saw Cole’s outline crouched beside her.

“I woke you. I’m sorry,” Cole said. His voice was a whisper. Laura sat up gingerly, wincing slightly, and glanced over to Tommon. He was breathing heavily, sound asleep.

“Nah its fine,” Laura whispered back. Her eyes began to adjust to the dimness, and the smile she hadn’t realised she had fell slightly. Cole’s eyes were flicking around frantically, like he was waiting for something to jump out at him

“You got hurt,” he said. His hand lifted from the ground and skimmed over her top, where her injury was beginning to hurt again. His fingers barely brushed the material of her tunic, and he pulled his hand away again quickly. “I bought you this.” He placed a bottle next to her, and took the potion the healer had given her away. “I… asked Solas to make it for you. It tastes better than the one the healers make, and it helps heal faster too.”

Laura looked down at the bottle, and then back at Cole. “Thank you,” she said softly. Cole looked at her, and then looked away, towards the flaps of the tent. Laura knitted her eyebrows together, and reached up to touch his arm briefly. He flinched, and she frowned even deeper. “Are you ok?” she asked, “You seem really… jumpy.”

Cole didn’t answer for a moment. He looked around the tent, and then finally said, “I didn’t like the Fade. I don’t belong there anymore.”

Laura didn’t reply. Cole looked away again, his eyes moving everywhere. Laura picked up his dagger from her bedside, and held it out to him. “Here. Thank you for letting me use it.”

Cole looked down at it. “Keep it,” he said, “It helped you today. It might help you again in the future.”

And then he was gone. Laura blinked, and slowly placed the dagger back next to her pillow. She laid back down, but it took her a while to fall asleep, her mind racing, wondering what had happened to make Cole so upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear lord I don't think I've ever written something so action-heavy in my life! I absolutely adore the battle of Adamant, so I really hope I managed to do it justice!
> 
> If anyone's interested, you can follow me on tumblr over at [marzipanpiefanfic](http://www.marzipanpiefanfic.tumblr.com/) :D


	6. Chapter 6

When the Inquisition’s army got back to Skyhold, Laura was confined to her room for a couple of days. A healer would come to see her in the morning and the evening to check up on her wound and spread healing magic through her body, before reapplying the bandages. Even though she was starting to feel restless, she didn’t leave her room; she’d had enough injuries to know that it was just better to let it heal than aggravate it more than necessary. Tommon visited her under the guise of bringing her a book from the library, but in reality had spent almost an hour showing her the lightening wounds striking across his skin. They covered the entire top right part of his body. Tommon was always eager to show off his scars. Always eager to prove he’d survived to fight another day. The book he’d bought her was interesting, but if she read for too long her head began to ache. She wondered if she really _should_ invest in some yellow glass, like what Cole had said one of the mages in the White Spire used.

Mariana came to visit her each night before she went to bed, updating her on news around Skyhold. Hawke had gone to Weisshaupt. Several Wardens had arrived at Skyhold and had been greeted with a mix of reactions; ranging from sympathy, to outright hostility. Josephine was trying to secure invitations to the ball at the Winter Palace to try and stop an assassination attempt against Empress Celene. Leliana came to visit her once, looking sombre, and told Laura to take as much time as she needed to heal. Laura told her not to worry, and Leliana just gave her a small smile, saying that she didn’t want to lose one her best agents.

Cole didn’t come to see her.

When the healer told her she could finally start moving around more, but should still take it easy, Laura almost flew out of her room. She headed straight for the Herald’s Rest, and straight up to Cole’s room.

He wasn’t there.

She sighed, and fell down on the pillows, wincing slightly as her wound ached. She looked around, and saw the forget-me-nots she had left for Cole before they went to Adamant. They were dead now, drooping over the glass towards the table, brown petals falling off their heads. The water in the glass was discoloured too. She frowned at them, and sighed.

She waited for almost an hour, dozing off at one point, only to be woken by her wound twinging. Eventually, she figured Cole wouldn’t be coming back any time soon, and left the Rest.

She went back to her room and grabbed the book Tommon and left her, and took it back to him, complaining about how the text in it was too small, and she couldn’t even understand what some of the words meant. Tommon opened it, and grimaced.

“Andraste’s ass I didn’t realise that would be such heavy reading, sorry,” he said. Laura shrugged, and they spent a couple hours chatting quietly, carefully not to disturb Dorian or Grand-Enchanter Fiona. She debated popping over to see Mariana, but decided she didn’t want to interrupt whatever Madame de Fer was doing. So instead, she headed out into the courtyard. She sat on a bench, and watched some of the soldiers training against each other.

It took a moment for the clashing of the swords to register in her mind, but when they did, she frowned, her mind drifting back to Adamant. Her wound twinged, sharply, and she looked away from the soldiers. After a second, she stood up and walked away. Out of habit, she looked around, hoping to spot Cole’s hat.

She did. He was sat up on the high wall. The one that was impossible to get to without climbing. Or just appearing there. Laura walked over, and reached up to grab onto part of the wall, but the movement caused pain to shoot through her side. She gasped, and dropped her hand back down, backing up a bit and craning her neck to look at Cole. If he knew she was there, he didn’t show it. He just sat there, rocking back and forth, a dark shape against the sun.

After a second, she called up to him. He didn’t look down. So she called again, shouting his name. Several passersby looked at her, irritated, but she ignored them. Just as she was about to call his name again, he appeared next to her.

“I’ve been looking for you all day,” she said, leaning her back against the wall. Cole didn’t look at her. His head was turned to the side, and his eyes stared off into nothing. He was fiddling harshly with his hands; pulling at his gloves and picking at his fingers. Laura furrowed her brow, and tilted her head. “Cole?”

Still, he look at her. He just stayed still, except for his hands, staring off at nothing. He blinked once. Slowly, Laura placed her hand on his upper arm. His head shot around to look at her. Under his hair, his eyes were wide, with panic trying to rise up through them. He looked paler than usual, and more tired.

“Cole, are you ok?” she asked.

“I need to talk to Solas.” And then he was gone. Laura’s hand hung in the air for a moment, until she finally dropped it, stunned. She looked around wildly, wondering if she’d spot him somewhere still in the courtyard. Instead, all she found were a couple of Orlesian nobles looking at her oddly. She swallowed, and walked away.

She knew something had upset him in the fade, but had it really affected him that badly? Was he still shaken up about it? Or had something else happened that she didn’t know about?

Pursing her lips, she went off in search of Varric.

* * *

 

She found him in the Rest, digging in to a plate of food. Laura ordered a glass of ale at the bar, and the slid into the seat opposite him. Varric looked up, and raised his eyebrows, before grinning at her.

“Hey, Raven,” he said. Laura nodded at him and took a swig of her ale, grimacing at the weak taste. Varric laughed, “Yeah the alcohol here’s shit isn’t it.”

“Mm,” Laura frowned. “What’s wrong with Cole?”

The smile fell off Varric’s face and he sighed, “Honestly, I was hoping you could tell me.” He said.

Laura blinked. “You don’t know?” she asked. Varric shook his head. He seemed to have completely forgotten about his dinner, leaving it sat in front of him going cold. “No idea at all?”

“The most I can get out of him is that what happened at Adamant really shook him up. I don’t think he’s spoken to anyone since we got back.” Varric looked at her, “I was hoping you’d have found out why, what with you watching him and all that.”

Laura shook her head helplessly, “I’ve been bedbound the past few days; got injured at Adamant, haven’t seen him at all.”

“Damn, you alright?” Varric’s eyes swept over her, trying to find any injuries. Laura nodded.

“Demon almost sliced me open,” she gestured to her side, “But sounds worse than it is. If I take it easy it’ll heal up just fine.”

“Yeah, well, you make sure that happens,” Varric told her, sincerely. Laura lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug.

“It’s not like I’ve got much to do. My main job is watching Cole, and when I caught him earlier, he just disappeared off. Said he needed to talk to Solas.”

"Solas?” Varric asked, seemingly surprised, “Must be something to do with what happened in the fade. Chuckles is pretty good at all that stuff.”

“So I’ve heard,” Laura murmured. Varric sighed, and looked back down at his food. He picked his fork up and prodded at the potatoes, as if he was trying to get his appetite back.

“If you do find out what’s wrong with him,” Varric said, “Let me know. I worry about him.”

“I know. And if you find out…”

“I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, Varric.”

* * *

 

There was a demon on her throat. Its teeth snapped around her neck, ripping out her flesh and snapping her spine. Its claws dug into her stomach, piercing her skin and organs, breaking her ribs. She tried to scream, thrashing her arms and legs, but it did nothing. Her screams were nothing but a blood-gurgle, and her thrashings became slower, until her arms just dropped to the ground. Around her, the world went up in flames; stone on fire and smoke filling the sky.

The demon ripped over her chest and pulled out her lungs, and she wondered how she wasn’t dead yet.

There was blood everywhere. She could see her own body, twitching pitifully, chest gaping, soaked in blood. Lying in a puddle of blood. Disintegrating into _nothing but blood_ –

Laura shifted and woke.

She was drenched, her hair sticking to her face and neck and her clothes sticking to her skin, and for a moment, she thought she it was blood. Until she realised it was only sweat, and she was shivering. Her breathing was coming in short, strangled pants, as if her lungs were having trouble realising they hadn’t been ripped out by a demon. She tried to swallow, but her mouth was dry. The gash in her side burned.

She kicked her blanket off her bed, and staggered up, wincing and gripping her side. Moonlight filtered in through her window, making it just possible to see. She reached first for the cup of water on her table, downing it all, and then for the healing potion Cole had given her. It was almost empty, so she finished it off in one swallow. Then she peeled her nightgown off her skin and over her head, ran her hands through her hair and lifted it away from her neck, and sat on her bed.

For a while, she just sat there, letting the cold air wrap around her skin, until the sweat had dried and she began to shiver more violently. She steadied her breathing, focusing on her chattering teeth and shaking knees. Finally, she stood up, and dressed.

She slid out of her room and closed her door quietly. Her old shoes barely made a sound against the stone floor as she walked through the castle. She made her way down to the main hall, and through a couple of hallways, before stopping in front of the door that led to the garden. When she got outside, she just stopped and stood, breathing, staring up at the sky.

She wasn’t sure exactly what time it was exactly, but the moon was high in the sky, and no one else was around. The garden was cast in shadow from the walls around, but she could smell damp soil and went petals. She breathed it in deeply as a light breeze rolled over her.

Eventually, she walked slowly over to the flowerbed where she knew the forget-me-nots were. She sank onto the ground, feeling dew seep through the material of her skirt. She ran her hand over her wound gently, reminding herself to visit the healers later to get another healing potion. She frowned, staring idly at the flowers she could just make out in the dark. The potion Cole had given her really had tasted better than the ones she was used to; it wasn’t _nice_ , to be exact, but it wasn’t as bitter. And she was sure she was actually healing quicker than she should. She didn’t look forward to going back to normal healing potions.

She leaned back on her elbows, staring up at the sky. A lot of stars could be seen from Skyhold, all the way up in the mountains. She was closer to the sky than she had ever been up here. Idly, she lifted up one of her arms, grasping at the air above her, as if she could catch the stars and bring them even closer.

She couldn’t, of course. She could just sigh and drop her hand to the ground. So instead, she leaned forward, and grasped a handful of forget-me-nots, pulling them away from their roots.

She wondered how long it would take the gardeners to notice someone was taking their forget-me-nots.

She sat there for a while longer, watching the moon crawl across the sky, running her fingers gently over the petals of the flowers. Eventually, she stood up, and left the garden, making her way towards the Herald’s Rest. She slid inside and tried to shut the door quietly, but it creaked slightly. She didn’t worry about waking anybody who slept in the few rooms above, though; she had enough practice in sneaking around. A creaky door wouldn’t disturb anyone who roomed in a pub.

She climbed the stairs to Cole’s room, not quite knowing if she wanted him to be there or not.

He wasn’t.

She sighed, and picked the glass of dead flowers up from the table. She carried it over to the door that led to a stone walkway, opened it, and tipped the water and dead flowers over the wall. She located the bucket of rainwater she had used the last time, next to the door, and filled the glass. Then she dropped the forget-me-nots into the water, re-entered the room, and left the flowers on the table. Then she left, hoping that the new flowers would tell Cole she was thinking of him while he dealt with whatever he was troubled by.

* * *

 

“Laura!”

Laura turned and saw Mariana hurrying towards her. She stopped and stepped back, allowing a couple servants to pass, and Mariana stopped in front of her. She smoother her hair down, and looked at Laura, a look of concern coming over her face.

“Are you ok? You look terrible!” she said, and then grimaced, “No offence.”

Laura huffed, amused, “Yeah I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Why?” Mariana asked. Laura hesitated, and then gestured to her wound.

“Ran out of healing potions last night, pain kept me up. I need to go get some more, don’t worry about it.”

The concerned look didn’t leave Mariana’s face, but she nodded. “Ah, Lady Vivienne has asked to see you.”

Laura blinked, taken aback. “What?”

“Lady Vivienne,” Mariana said, “She told me to bring you to her. Asked for you by name and everything.”

From what Laura had heard, being asked for _by name_ by Madame de Fer was either a very good thing, or a very bad thing. Laura breathed in deeply, and nodded, gesturing for Mariana to lead the way.

When they arrived at the balcony, Madame de Fer was stood to with her back to them, gazing out of the window. Mariana swallowed, glanced at Laura, and then said, “Laura is here, Lady Vivienne.”

Vivienne didn’t turn straight away. She stayed staring out at the mountains, as if finishing off her thought. Mariana sighed silently, and looked at the ground. Finally, Vivienne turned, and regarded Laura with even eyes. She then gave her a small, polite smile.

“If you could give us some privacy please, Mariana.” She said. Mariana hesitated, and Vivienne gave a high, false laugh. “I’m sure Laura will report everything we speak about to Sister Nightingale. You don’t need to worry, my dear.”

“Of course,” Mariana gave a slight bow, before turning and leaving. Laura stayed where she was, watching as Vivienne sat in one of her large, expensive chairs.

“Take a seat, my dear,” she said, gesturing to the chair opposite.

Laura breathed in, and walked over, sitting down. The chair was soft and comfortable, and Laura leaned back in it slightly. There was a small, shiny table between them, with a tray of teacups and a teapot on top. Vivienne watched her, and Laura waited for her to speak.

“You _are_ the agent Sister Nightingale assigned to watch Cole, yes?” she said.

Laura nodded. “I am, Madame de Fer.”

“Hm.” Vivienne paused, and reached forward to the teapot. “Tea, my dear?”

“No, thank you.” Laura replied. Vivienne poured herself a cup and saw back, holding the cup lightly, but not drinking from it.

“You told Sister Nightingale that it was safe to stay in Skyhold.” Vivienne stated. Laura blinked. It took her a second to realise that _it_ referred to Cole. She breathed deeply. Her stomach began to twist painfully, and she felt her fingers tighten slightly on the arms of the chair. She forced herself to relax them, and nodded.

“I did.”

Vivienne hummed lightly, and crossed her legs. “You are one of Sister Nightingale’s best agents, surely you are smarter than to trust a _demon_ , my dear.” Vivienne looked at Laura, her eyes sweeping up and down her body, “You _do_ know it is a demon, yes?”

“I know he’s something from the fade,” Laura replied, “But I don’t pretend to be educated enough on that subject to name him a spirit, demon, or something else.”

Vivienne blinked at her softly, composed. “I’m sure it told you it was a spirit.”

“Of compassion. Yes.”

“And yet you have just admitted to having no education on the subject. How can you truly know or understand what you are watching?” Madame de Fer finally lifted her cup to her lips, taking a sip of her tea. Laura didn’t say anything, knowing Vivienne had already planned to speak after she set her cup back in her lap, “You decision to trust it influenced Sister Nightingale’s opinion greatly.” Outside, the sun came out from behind a cloud, shining bright in Laura’s face so she had to squint against it. Madame de Fer, however, was unaffected, the wall providing fine shade. “If it were to turn, like all demons do, I fear you will be one of the first in danger.”

Laura leaned forward, moving her face out of the sun, allowing her to stop squinting. “Madame de Fer, my entire job is to find information and decide if it’s trustworthy or not,” she said, “I’ve been doing this since I was thirteen. My decision to trust Cole is based on years of experience and skill.”

Vivienne laughed, a single, high note rising from her throat, “My dear, it may have been _your_ decision, but don’t you see that when you are undoubtedly proven wrong, there will be consequences for _everyone_ else. And those consequences will be on your head. If it has not already killed or corrupted you by then.”

Laura resisted the urge to clench her teeth together. Instead, she pulled her lips up, constructing her face into a polite, respectful smile. “Madame de Fer, I _have_ been wrong before,” she said, “And I _have_ dealt with the consequences before.” Her tone was calm and serious. She clasped her hands together, and looked Vivienne in the eye, “I will tell you the same thing I told Leliana; if I _am_ wrong, I will gladly take the blame that’s due me. But I’m not. And you’re allowed to think otherwise but, with all due respect, Madame de Fer, I am Leliana’s agent. Not yours. I don’t need to answer to you.”

With that, she stood up, and swept away from the balcony, not sparing Vivienne a last glance. She walked to the library with a confident posture and an easy pace. When she entered the library, she saw Tommon sorting through books, and Mariana sitting in a chair next to him, chewing on her thumbnail. They both looked up at her when she arrived.

That was when she allowed the anxiety to flood her body. Her stomach drop and twisted, and she began to sweat lightly. Her hands shook slightly, as she gave Tommon and Mariana an uneasy smile. She swallowed once, and then twice because her mouth had suddenly one extremely dry.

“I think I’ve just done something incredibly stupid.”

* * *

 

After Mariana had dashed back to Madame de Fer, and Tommon had quietly assured her that Vivienne would not send assassins after her, Laura made her way downstairs. Wanting to avoid Madame de Fer as much as possible, she took the stairs down to room that Solas frequented, hoping he would just assume to be another servant taking shortcuts across the castle.

She was not so lucky.

Solas looked up when she entered, back down to the book he was reading, and then back up again, eyebrows furrowed. She had just made it to the door when he said her name. Laura paused, and looked at him.

"You are Laura, yes? The agent watching Cole for Leliana,” Solas said. Laura huffed.

“Yes. I am,” she replied. She knew these conversations would come sooner or later. Many members of the Inquisitor’s inner circle had strong opinions on Cole. She had just hoped they would have been… more spread out.

“Ah.” Solas snapped his book shut, placed it on the table, and opened a draw. He pulled out a bottle of brown liquid, and placed it on the table in front of him, “Cole has asked me to give this to you, as I am sure the previous healing potion I made has run out by now.”

Laura blinked, staring at the potion for a moment, before stepped forward and picking it up. “I… thank you; I wasn’t looking forward to going back to the normal healing potions,” she said. She slipped the potion into one of her skirt’s deep pockets, feeling it fall heavily against her thigh.

“I imagine not. Cole seems quite anxious that you should heal soon,” Solas said. He regarded her evenly. Laura resisted the urge to huff. She had had enough of being regarded evenly by mages for one day. She crossed her arms and hunched in on herself.

“Yeah, well. We’re friends,” she muttered. Solas hummed, and she couldn’t tell if it was a hum or approval or disapproval.

“I knew Cole considered you his friend, I did not know if you returned the sentiment. It seems odd, however, that you would develop such a relationship when tasked with watching his every move. I was under the impression spies usually tried not to be seen by their targets.”

Laura honestly couldn’t tell if he was being humorous or not. She thought she could detect a hint of humour. But at the same time, it seemed a very serious question. She shrugged. “Didn’t really have much of a choice,” she said, “Had to talk to him to remember him. Just kind of went from there.”

She caught slight movement from above. Looking up slightly, she Tommon leaning over the library railing, and above him, Leliana leaning over her rookery railing. Both of them were looking down with slightly concerned looks. Laura shifted, closer to the door.

“It is good you did not immediate report him as a threat. Many people believe him to be a demon; you gave him a chance to show those people the truth.”

Laura coughed slightly. “Like I’ve told a lot of people, I don’t really understand all the demon spirit stuff, and I don’t really think I need to. I just… trust him from what I’ve seen of him, which has been good stuff so…”

She trailed off, and Solas hummed again. This time, it was of clear disapproval. He didn’t seem too impressed that she didn’t feel the need to know about spirits and demons. Laura’s eyes flicked back up to Tommon and Leliana. Leliana tilted her head towards her stairs, silently asking if she needed to intervene. Laura turned her head to the left, saying she was fine.

“I hope the healing potion is helpful,” Solas said. Laura nodded, and turned towards the door, gripping the handle.

“Yes, thank you for that. Honestly.” And then she opened the door and darted out, closing it swiftly behind her.

* * *

 

She avoided the main hall for a couple days after that, sticking to the Herald’s Rest or the garden. She still hadn’t seen Cole, and, after eating lunch one day, decided she had given him enough space, and made her way up to his room. She predicted he wouldn’t be there, and she was right. So, she sat down on the old pillows, and waited.

She had been waiting for about an hour when he appeared in front of her. He looked down at her and blinked. She couldn’t tell if he looked better or worse than he had a few days ago. He was still paler than usual, but he wasn’t fidgeting as much.

Laura stood up, brushed off her skirt, and crossed her arms. “Cole, I know you’re not ok,” she said, softly. Cole blinked some more, and his eyes slid to the table.

"You bought me more flowers,” he said. His voice sounded slightly hoarse, like he hadn’t spoken in a while. Laura looked at the forget-me-nots. They were still bright and alive, the blue petals almost shining against the dirty wooden wall.

“I did,” she said, “I thought they could help make you feel better. Let you know I was here.” She stepped forward, ducking her head slightly to see his face properly under his hat, “Cole, you know you can talk to me, right? I want to help you, but I can’t read your pain like you can mine. I need to be told what’s wrong. But when I know I can help.”

Cole looked at her, connecting their eyes, and then away again. “Can you bind me?” he asked. Laura’s eyebrows rose, and she stood up straight again.

“What?”

“No… you’re not a mage…” Cole muttered.

“A… mage? No I’m not. You… want to be bound?” Laura asked. Cole nodded. “Like… the demons? At Adamant?” Again, Cole nodded. Laura blinked at him, taken aback.

“ _Why_?”

“So I can’t be _used_ by them!” Cole replied. He sounded irritated, and Laura’s eyebrows rose even further, “Bound, brutal, broken. They were torn from the fade and twisted into slaves for Corypheus, so he could hurt people more easily. I don’t _want to be that_. If I was bound to someone _here_ then I _wouldn’t_ because they _wouldn’t make me_. I asked Solas to bind me, but he wouldn’t. And then I asked the Inquisitor but _she wouldn’t_. They said it was wrong, that there was another way. She’s… looking for an amulet. To protect me. But if she _can’t find one_ …”

He stopped talking. His eyes had been moving frantically the whole time, and now they settled on Laura’s torso. Right on her wound. Laura placed her hand on his arm, and then moved it up to rest on his shoulder.

“Cole. Listen to me.” Her voice was steady and firm. She took his hand in her free one, gripping it tightly, “That’s _not_ going to happen to you. You’re not going to be bound by Corypheus. Because no one will let that happen. The Inquisitor won’t let that happen. Solas won’t let that happen. Varric won’t let that happen. _I_ won’t let that happen. The Inquisitor has all the resources in Theda’s available to her. She _will_ find you this amulet, and you _will_ be safe. And if the Inquisitor can’t find it, _I_ will. Because Leliana has more contacts than the Inquisitor will ever know about, and one of them _will_ know about these things. _You are going to be safe_.”

Everything was still and silent for a moment. Then, slowly, Cole looked at her. Then he looked at her hand on his shoulder, and then at her other hand holding his. Slowly, ever so slowly, he tightened his grip, and she tightened her’s back, still looking sincerely at his face. She moved the hand on his should and wrapped it around him, pulling him into her. The top of her head skimmed the brim of his hat, and she ducked slightly, so she wouldn’t knock it off.

“Thank you,” he said. His voice was quiet, almost a whisper, against the side of her head.

“We’re going to keep you safe, Cole. So many people here want to keep you safe.” Laura whispered back.

“Thank you,” he said again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Vivienne was so much fun! I almost wish I'd managed to make their conversation longer, but then it probably would have dragged on. Ah well
> 
> Quick message: University is getting pretty heavy, I've got a lot of work I need to finish before the end of the year, and a lot of deadlines all clumped together, so the next few chapters will probably be slow to bring out. Sorry about that, but after about a month its summer so I should have a lot more time to write.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! :)


	7. Chapter 7

“Varric!”

Varric paused where he was on the stairs leading into the entrance hall of Skyhold, shuffling slightly to keep balance of all the boxes he was holding. Laura jogged up the stairs, and offered to help him carry a couple of the boxes, but he refused, saying he was only going to be dumping them on his table.

“I found out what's wrong with Cole,” Laura said, as they walked through the doors.

“You have?” Varric said.

“Yeah its… Well its quite horrible, really.” Laura frowned. They reached Varric's table and he dumped the boxes on top, groaning when one of them fell over and dozens of quills spilled out. Laura leaned back against the table, quirking a small smile at his misfortune, before sighing and looking down. “He's uh, he's afraid Corypheus is going to try and bind him, like all the demons at Adamant.”

Varric paused in cleaning up the quills. “Ah, shit.”

“Yeah...” Laura nodded, “He said something about.. the Inquisitor was trying to get him an amulet? I'm not quite sure how a necklace is meant to help but I guess it'll be magic or something...”

“An amulet?” Varric asked, as he started unpacking stacks of parchment from one of the boxes. Laura hummed and nodded. “The merchant's I bought this off were gossiping about some kind of amulet they'd bought up here. Made quite a bit of coin off it.”

“Well, if its that, at least this whole thing got resolved quick-”

She was cut off by a loud _crash_ from Solas' rotunda. Laura and Varric both whipped their heads towards the closed door, and then glanced at each other. Varric dropped the stack of parchment he was holding, and went inside, leaving the door open so the voices inside flowed easily towards her.

“What was that? Oh for- What are you doing to the kid?” Laura asked him say. He'd left the door open

“Stopping blood mages from binding me like the demons at Adamant. But it didn't work.” She heard Cole say. Knitting her eyebrows together, Laura walked softly over to the door and leaned against the wall next to it, tilting her head to the side.

“Something is interfering with the enchantment,” Solas said.

“Something like Cole _not being a demon_?” Laura quirked a smile and suppressed a snort.

“Solas, is it possible that amulet doesn’t work on Cole because he's too... human?” She heard the Inquisitor speak for the first time.

“Regardless of Cole's special circumstances, he remains a spirit!” Slowly, Laura leaned towards the door to peak inside.

“Yes. A spirit who is strangely like a person!” Varric said. Cole started pacing, his strides long and agitated. Laura frowned at him.

_“I_ don't mater! Just lock away the parts of me that someone else could knot together to make me follow!” Cole said. Laura frowned even deeper, closing her eyes briefly. She wanted to go inside and wrap her arms around him, like she had the previous night. Or, at the very least, just place a soft hand on his arm. Remind him that there were people who cared, that _did_ think he mattered. That she was one of them.

“Focus on the amulet,” Solas said, “Tell me what you feel.”

There was a pause. Cole stopped pacing, and swayed slightly on the spot. His back was too her, but even if it weren't, Laura was sure she wouldn’t have been able to see his face under his hat.

“Warm. Soft blanket covering, but it catches, tears.” Cole muttered, “I'm the wrong shape. There's something…” He stopped, and looked up, pointing at something beyond the walls of the rotunda. Beyond the walls of Skyhold. “There. That way.”

There was a heavy silence. “It appears we have something to find. I told you it never just works,” The Inquisitor said, her voice laced slightly smug, but also disappointed.

“Alright, Kid. Get Cullen and work with him on the map to figure out where you're sensing something wrong.” Varric said.

“Will you come with me? All of you?” Cole asked. Laura felt her heart squeeze at his tone, like he wasn't quite sure whether he was afraid of hopeful.

“Sure.” Varric replied, softly.

Cole walked towards the door, and Laura quickly ducked away, shrinking into a shadow. Cole stopped when he entered the hall, his head tilted and looking in the same direction he'd pointed. He didn't notice her, and she wasn't quite sure if she was glad of that or not. Finally, he disappeared, and Laura sighed, tuning into the conversation in the rotunda again.

“-Fanciful story, Child of the Stone,” Solas was saying, “We cannot change our nature by wishing.”

“You don't think?”

“However we deal with the problem, our next step is to track down whatever is interfering with the enchantment.”  
There was a pause, and then she heard Varric sigh. “I know, Chuckles, I know. I just want to help the Kid, same as you.”

Varric left the rotunda and, after bidding Solas goodbye, the Inquisitor followed. She bid Varric goodbye as well, before making her way towards the war room. Varric ran a hand over his face, dropped into his chair, and glanced up to Laura.

“Shoulda known you'd be eavesdropping on that conversation, Raven.” He said.

“Its my job to eavesdrop on anything to do with Cole,” she replied, slipping into the spare chair.

“I know.”

They say in silence for a moment, Varric's eyes skimming all the boxes of writing supplies he had to unpack.

“Do you think its going to work?” Laura asked, quietly, “...Whatever you're going to do.”

“I dunno, but I hope so,” Varric replied, as he started unpacking a box of ink. Laura swallowed, and then, silently, began to unpack another box of quills.

* * *

 

The next morning at dawn, as the sun began to rise above the mountains, Laura stood at one of the windows in the library, watching the Inquisitor, Varric, Solas and Cole leave Skyhold. Varric turned slightly on his horse and his eyes swept along the castle, reaching her in the window. She leaned out further, and held her hand up to him. He turned back and held his hand up to. And then the Inquisitor called an order, and the horses picked up a faster pace. Within seconds, they were lost to the mountains.

She stayed at the window even after they were no longer in sight. In the library behind her, a couple of mages bustled around the books, the sounds of pages turning and quills scratching falling on her ears. Dorian muttered to himself, dropping books on tables or sliding them back into place. Above her, Leliana's ravens flapped around frantically, cackling.

The sun continued to rise, skimming the tops of the mountains and reaching into the clouds. Laura continued to stand at the window, watching servants and soldiers cross Skyhold, merchants and carts come and go.

Something brushed her elbow softly, and she jumped violently. She whipped around and saw Tommon taking a step back, watching her concerned. “You ok?” he asked. Laura blinked at him, and nodded.

“Yeah just,” she ran a hand through her hair, “bit out of it.”

A horrible smile curled on Tommon's lips, “Adamant messed you up too, huh?”

Laura looked away and leaned her back against the window sill, crossing her arms, “I guess. How'd you figure that out?”

Tommon shrugged, and ran a hand roughly over the lightning scars on his face, “I figured if I'm getting attacked by a dragon every night, you're getting attacked by demons. Injuries like these don't just disappear once they've physically healed.”

“Yeah, you're right,” Laura said. It came out as a whisper, and she winced. Clearing her throat, she said, “You'd think we'd be used to it by now.”

“Honestly. Laura, I don't think the stuff we do is the kind of stuff you _can_ get used to,” he said.

“I guess.” Laura continued looking away, her eyes trained on a table leg. Tommon watched her with a creased brow and a frown. He opened his mouth a couple times, before sighing and leaving her by the window. She glanced up at him and then back at the floor. Tommon started packing up books, slipping easily into his role of librarian. He seamlessly brushed past Dorian every now and then, taking in each book Dorian was paying attention too, or the order he had stacked them in. Laura closed her eyes and let her head loll to the side.

“Y'know, you're not really helping the complains surrounding us.” Laura opened her eyes and saw Tommon idly sorting through books next to her.

“Complaints?” she asked. Tommon shrugged, peering closely at a title in a foreign language.

“A lot servants muter about all the ''lazy servants' around Skyhold. Surprise, surprise, most of them are Leliana's and seem lazy because they're not actually servants,” he made a face at the book, “hey you know Antivan right?”

Laura snorted, “I can speak a bit, can't really read it though.”

“No idea on this?” he held the book up at her. The words buzzed on the cover for a moment before Laura focused her eyes and squinted.

“That's not even Antivan,” she said, “I think its Tevene.”

“Andraste's arse,” Tommon muttered, and dropped it on the table, “Seriously though, you have got to be the worst. You're always sat up on those walls, what are you even doing, waiting for your boyfriend?”

Laura's eyebrows rose and she glanced at him, bemused, “What _boyfriend_?”

“Oh I dunno,” Tommon waved a hand, “that guy you're always talking about. The one you and Solas were chatting about down in the rotunda the other day; ...Kyle? Carl? C-”

“Cole...” Laura muttered. Tommon snapped his fingers and pointed at her.

“That's the one!”

Laura blinked at him, her mouth slightly open. A few bookshelves away, Dorian looked up, eyebrows raised, a book half open. After a few seconds, Laura laughed.

“Oh, Maker, I really didn't think about _this_ conclusion being drawn!” she giggled. Tommon raised his eyebrows, shifting through books without even looking at them. Laura took a second to control her breathing, and grinned at Tommon.

“I've told you about Cole before, Tommon?” Laura said.

“Yeah, and you've always been really vague about it!” Tommon replied, and looked down at another foreign title, “Ok, I know for a fact that you know Orlesian.

“So do you,” Laura pointed out.

“Yeah but double check this for me, that says _A History of the Affects of Elven Rebellion_ yeah?”

Laura leaned forward and peered at the words, “Uhuh.”

Tommon made a face, “Hundred sovereigns on all the affects apparently being negative,” he muttered, “I swear humans should not be allowed to write about Elven history,” he glanced at her, “I'd say no offence but honestly I've stopped caring about offending humans.” Laura shrugged, “But back to your boyfriend!”

Laura rolled her eyes. A few bookshelves away, Dorian wasn't even pretending to read his book. “Tommon,” she said, “Cole's the person Leliana set me to watch.”

“On Inner Circle duty?”

“Yes.”  
“But there… isn't a...” Tommon looked at her, confused, “There isn't a Cole in the Inner Circle.”

Laura sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. “Maker, this is going to take some explaining.”

She spent the next ten minutes carefully lining out mostly everything about Cole. He asked several questions, many of which she couldn't explain, either because she still didn't understand it herself, or down to 'confidentiality'. Dorian still didn't look away from them.

“So you're… not sleeping with him.” Tommon asked, when she'd finally finished. Laura threw her hands up in the air and shook her head.

“Maker's teeth, Tommon, _no_!”

“Damn,” Tommon muttered, looking back down to the books, “I was hoping at least one of us lot would be getting some.”

Laura rolled her eyes, “When was the last time one of Leliana's 'got some' outside of missions in which sleeping with the target is the best option.”

Tommon opened his mouth, then closed it, the frowned. He sighed, dropping a book on top of the Tevene one. “Our lives are slightly depressing aren't they,” he muttered, “Mariana's family thinks she's dead, mine and yours _are_ dead, we do nothing but run laps and watch people for Leliana. And whenever we get some form of excitement its always in the form of horrific violence that always leaves behind scars and nightmares.”

Laura watched him, frowning. “I try not to think about it too much.”

Tommon gave a grim laugh, “Maybe you should try and get a boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Maybe I should too, minus the girlfriend possibility. And Mariana. Give us some kind of life outside this job.”

“We both know Mariana isn't really one for any sort of sexual relationship,” Laura replied.

“Just me and you then,” Tommon said, “Not even a relationship just. Something that's not… part of this job.”

“This job _is_ our life though,” Laura replied.

“You can't be fulfilled with that though,” Tommon said. Laura rolled her eyes and sighed, opening her mouth to reply. But then closed it, her eyebrows knitting together.

“I've… never really thought about it.” she replied, “never really needed to.”

Tommon frowned, “Maybe you should.”

* * *

 

Laura stood in Leliana's rookery for the first time in about a week. She placed a hand lightly over her healing wound as it twinged a bit, making a mental note to drink some more of that healing potion later on. A raven landed on Laura's shoulder, attempted to pick at her ear, and flew off again. Leliana regarded her silently for a moment.

“Why did you not inform me of Cole's… difficulties?” Leliana asked finally. Laura sighed.

“It was difficult to get any solid information,” she replied, cringing, “And… and I wasn't sure if it would. If there was actually… I didn't want to bring forward anything that didn't lead to anything.”

“You didn't want to put forward anything that could put him in danger,” Leliana said, harshly. Laura winced, and swallowed. She tried to find a response, but before she could, Leliana was talking again. “Laura, I gave you this task because I trust you. You are one of my best, longest-serving agents. I trust your judgement, but you are also one of the people I know best in this world. I know you sometimes get very… invested in your missions, especially when vulnerable people are involved. But you need to understand that if something had happened; if Cole's problem had caused him to do something-”

“He wouldn't have.” Laura spoke before she even realised. She snapped her mouth shut, her teeth and fists clenched. Leliana watched her evenly.

“If something had happened. And you had told me, we could have been prepared. Because you didn't tell me, and something had happened, who knows what would have happened.”

Laura shook her head, “He wouldn't have done anything, Leliana I… I know you're concerned that my judgement gets clouded but...” She swallowed, “Cole can be dangerous. He can kill people, _has_ killed people. People who haven't. And he's afraid of becoming that again. And I won't let him become that. Whether its because its my job, or because I'm scared for my own life, or because I'm too invested and don't want him to become that again for his own happiness… I'll recheck what I do and don't tell you next time. But the Inquisitor is helping him fix this.”

Leliana folded her hands in front of her. Laura's eyes fell away from her, to the floor. A raven landed on her shoulder again, and pecked at her ear. She tilted her head towards it, nuzzling it slightly, before shaking it off.

“I trust you're judgement, Laura,” Leliana said softly, “But I also worry about you. I have watched you grow up. Everything you are, everything you've done, everything you've become is because of me. I aim to make these things no more negative than necessary.”

Laura sighed and looked back to Leliana, “I know. But I… I understand the consequences of what I do, Leliana. I've told you this many times.”

“Yes,” Leliana replied. She looked at Laura, really looked at her, almost sadly, “Sometimes I forget you are no longer the thirteen year old girl I trained.”

* * *

 

“Miss – Ah – Laura? Yes, Miss Laura?”

Laura huffed and turned towards Dorian, stepping away from the stairs and into the library. She decided she was going to start leaving Leliana's rookery by climbing out of the window and scaling the castle. The risk of falling to certain death was much slimmer, and also much more inviting, that the risk of being questioned by one of the Inquisitor's closest.

“Yes, Serah Pavus?” Dorian stopped in front of her, peering at her with interest. At least he was showing more emotion that the other two mages she'd recently spoken too. She still shuffled anxiously under his gaze, looking around. Tommon was no where to be found. She supposed he had gone off for dinner.

“You're the girl who's become rather close with Cole I take it?” Dorian asked, crossing his arms and resting a hand under his chin, “I couldn't help overhearing you mention him to your, ah, friend, earlier.” He nodded towards the table her and Tommon had been standing at earlier. The books with foreign titles neither of them could read had just been left scattered across it.

“Yeah. As everyone seems to know,” she said.

“Mm,” Dorian's hand returned to under his chin, and he shuffled on his feet, “I'm sure you have things to, so I’ll try not to take up to much of your time. I'm just… curious.”

Laura blinked, “...Curious?”

“Yes, about his and yours relationship,” Dorian replied, “I've always been interested in Cole; his situation really is fascinating. I hear he's been going through some difficulties recently.”

“I'm not sure its really my place to talk about that,” Laura said.

“Oh of course,” Dorian replied, “I didn't want to ask you about that anyway. Like I said; your relationship with him. He doesn’t talk to many people, and the relationships he does have range drastically from person to person. You must have noticed this, I’m sure?”

“Well. Yes, I suppose,” Laura replied, “We're close. Good friends.”

“Hm. And I’m sure you're aware of his… particular circumstances?”

“That he's a spirit, yes.”

“Yes. How have you found that's, how do I put this, how that affects you're relationship. Your interactions, your conversation?”

Laura looked up at him, confused. He was looking off to the side slightly, deep in thought “Serah Pavus you do.. you do realise Cole isn't… some sort of experiment, right?”

“Hm? Oh yes, of course,” he looked back at her, “But he is fascinating, you must agree.”

“He's very interesting, yeah,” Laura replied, “I enjoy spending time with him.”

“He does make conversation very interesting, yes, if sometimes a little harrowing. How do you find the whole… pulling thoughts out of your head?”

Laura shrugged. “It can get… disconcerting, I guess. But I don't mind so much.”

“Hm...”

Dorian's eyes were still on her, but his mind was away again. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, before coughed slightly, and looked back towards the stairs. Dorian snapped out of his thoughts, and clapped his hands together.

“Yes, well, I apologise for keeping you from your duties, but you must understand my interest, yes? Thank you for your time, Miss…?”

“Just Laura's fine.”

“No last name?”

Laura shook her head and shrugged, “Common. Ferelden. Very few of us really have them.”

“Ah, I see. My apologies.” Dorian said. Laura just shrugged again, nodded to him, and retreated to the stairs as Dorian wandered over to a pile of books on a table.

* * *

 

It was only two days later when the Inquisitor, Solas, Varric and Cole returned to Skyhold. Laura saw them as she was leaving the entrance hall, and she leaned against the stone doorway, watching them carefully. They all looked tired. Solas looked irritated. The Inquisitor seemed to be trying to placate him; with little success. Varric kept glancing over to Cole and speaking to him quietly. Cole looked… well…

He was slumped over his horse, frowning deeply. His kept pulling his hat over his face, and then pushing it back up. When he slid off his horse, he flinched violently as one of the servants took it from him. He shrunk behind Varric, despite towering over him, trying to hide in Varric's shadow.

Varric looked around the courtyard with guarded eyes, eventually spotting Laura in the doorway. He nodded at her, and Laura tilted her head to the side. Varric placed a hand carefully on Cole's arm, and gestured to her. Cole followed his arm and looked at her. She stood up straighter, smiling lightly. Cole leaned forward a bit, towards her, and then fell back. He tugged his hat over his face again, and muttered something to Varric, pushed his hat back and looked at Laura. Laura sighed, but made her smile brighter, waving lightly at Cole and Varric, before turning and walking back into the castle.

* * *

 

“Did it help?”

Varric jumped violently, almost spilling a bottle of ink across his parchment. He righted it and looked up to see Laura settling herself into a chair.

“Maker's balls, Raven, didn't your mother ever tell you its rude to sneak up on people?” he asked. Laura shrugged.

“Considering Leliana has been the closest thing I’ve had to a mother since I was thirteen; the exact opposite, actually.”

“Ah...” Varric hesitated, not exactly sure whether to laugh or not. Laura gave him a tight smile, and breathed out slowly.

“Sorry, I forget jokes about dead mother's aren’t actually that common outside of Leliana's network,” she said.

“You'd be surprised,” Varric muttered, “But… well. We managed to make sure Cole wouldn't be bound so. Yeah. It worked, technically.”

Laura's eyebrows knitted together. “Technically?”

Varric sighed deeply, placing his quill down on the table. “Yeah it… its complicated. Honestly, I don't think its my story to tell, for once, so you'd have to ask him but. He's much more human now. In some way. There's not enough spirit left in him to be bound.”

“Not enough spirit left- Varric is he… is he different? Is he ok?” Laura leaned forward, concerned.

“Different? Kind of. Something in him is but, not in a bad way. He's still the helpful Cole we all know. Ok? I'm… honestly not sure.” He paused, and ran a hand over his face, “He's in a lot of pain. But its… well, its human pain. We can help him through it. He just needs time to adjust. And we can. We can help him through it.”

* * *

 

The next morning, she went to the garden, stole some forget-me-nots, then went to the Herald's Rest.

Cole was there. He didn't look up as she climbed the stairs, nor as she took the glass of dead flowers and left the room to throw them over the wall. He just sat on the barrel, staring at the ground, fiddling with his fingers. When Laura returned, she placed the new flowers back on the desk, and then sat down in the pile of pillows. From here, should look up into his face. He stayed staring at the ground. Laura bought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, looking up at Cole casually. His hat cast a shadow over his entire face, and dirty strands of hair covered his eyes, but a few slithers of blue and white and black pupils could be caught if she concentrated hard enough. Slowly, very slowly, his eyes moved at locked onto hers.

“Everything hurts,” he said. It was almost a whisper, his voice rasping and almost breaking . Laura blinked.

“I hear you're a little bit more human now,” Laura said.

“Yes.” Cole replied. “Everyone I've asked said its meant to hurt.”

“I'm… not sure if its _meant_ to,” Laura replied, carefully, “But it does, anyway.”

“I'm not sure I want to be human,” Cole whispered. He was still looking at her, his eyes still intensely trained on her own, so she fought hard not to look away.

“Its not just part of being _human_ , Cole. Its part of being _alive_.” she said.

“I was alive before. And it didn't feel like this.” he said. She couldn't keep her eyes on him any more. She looked away, glancing at the ceiling as she thought about what to say. When she looked back, she was afraid he would have drifted off somewhere else. But he hadn't. He was still looking at her, waiting her for eyes to come back.

“But you always had to make sure you wouldn't feel like this, and it was so hard. You were so scared you would, because if you did, something bad could happen,” she answered, “Now you don't have to do that. You can let yourself feel whatever you need to feel, whenever you need to feel it. And you won't become a demon, because humans are meant to feel everything.” She paused, and swallowed, “I'm not sure if we're _meant_ to hurt, but we _are_ meant to be able to unabashedly feel whatever we need to feel. Hurt is a part of that. So is happiness. And fear, and anger, and calmness, and love, and… everything.”

“A lot of people think they aren't meant to feel some things,” Cole said.

“A lot people are taught that they shouldn't. But then they hurt even more because they're not letting themselves feel what they need to feel, so it stays inside them, growing.” She paused, and then said, “That's why you help so many people. You let them feel what they need to feel. You can still do that.”

“I can't make them forget me any more.”

“What?”

“I can't make anyone forget any more,” Cole said, “Because before I wasn't meant to be here. I wasn't actually a part of this world. But now I am. I stick. They remember.”

“You can still help people if they remember you,” Laura said, “You helped me.”

“Yes. I did.” Finally, he looked away. His eyes flicking to the floor, and then drifting up the wall.

She wanted to hug him again. She wanted to stand up and pull him off the barrel and wrap her arms tightly around him, pushing his hat back and his head into her shoulder. But she wasn't sure how he would respond. He was curled up defensively, and she'd been around enough defensive people to understand. So instead, she waited until he looked at her again, almost ten minutes later. He had spent a long time looking at the new forget me nots on the table, even tilting his head towards them, before his eyes finally slid back to her.

Then, she lifted her hand, slowly. His eyes flicked to it, following as it rose. He didn't lean away. In fact, he leaned forward, towards her hand, teetering precariously on the edge of the barrel. She watched him carefully, for any uneasiness. His hand twitched, and she almost pulled hers back, but then, he reached out, carefully, uncertainly. His fingers curled in the air slightly, and she softly took them in her own. Just his fingers, curling her own slowly around them. His skin was rough and dry, she could feel where the skin on a couple of his fingertips split, or where a couple of knuckles were knotted, so used to gripping a dagger. His own fingers curled into hers, before flexing back, and then curling again, before settling into a loose grip.

“We're going to help you, Cole,” Laura said, looking up at him, “So many of us are going to help you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know originally Tommon and Mariana were just meant to be very small side characters which helped flesh out Leliana's spy network. And now they're getting more and more development with each chapter. Whoops.
> 
> Ok, a couple things: Uni is actually hell at the moment. I have all the deadlines. All of them. Also, my laptop decided to kick the bucket, so I've lost all my planning for this story -_- Obviously I still have the major points in my head, but I'm gonna need to take some time to just refine it all again. So, I can pretty much guarantee there won't be an update until the end of May/beginning of June. Sorry about that but hey! Sometimes real life decides it actually wants to be a priority sometimes.
> 
> I also realised there hasn't actually... been a lot of... actual *Cole* in the last couple chapters. But that is definitely changing from here on out, now we've gotten through Subjected To His Will and all that. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and can stick around until the next one! You're support really does mean a lot <3


	8. Chapter 8

Laura let Cole be for the next few days. She ran around Skyhold trying to get full picture of what had really happened while he and the others were away from Skyhold. She spoke to Varric quite easily, the Inquisitor with the normal sense of nervousness and admiration that came with speaking to her, and to Solas with a great sense of trepidation and the ever present feeling of being judged. She reported back to Leliana, and assured her that whatever has changed in Cole, he was still has safe as he’d always been. If she happened across Cole somewhere in Skyhold, she waved at him, and he held a hand back up to her. But mostly, she tried to let him settle into being more human with as little people smothering him as possible. Varric kept her updated on his progress; they’d gotten into a habit of eating dinner together every few days.

One day she arrived at the Herald’s Rest, ready to have dinner with Varric, to find him already there and half way through a plate of food, with Cole next to him, staring down at a bowl of soup. Laura furrowed her brow and a smile quirked onto her face as she made her way over. She fell into the chair opposite them. Varric looked slightly irritated and Cole looked slightly irritated. Laura realised that Varric’s half eaten dinner was actually a tray of different foods.

“Hey, what’s going on?” she asked. Varric looked up and Cole’s eyes flicked up to her.

“Turns out the Kid hasn’t actually eaten anything since he became more human,” Varric grunted. Laura’s smile fell off her face and she leaned forward.

"What?”

"I used to eat when I was in the Spire,” Cole said, looking back down at the soup, “but when I found out I didn’t have to, I stopped. But now I have to again, but its… odd.”

Laura frowned and rested her chin on her hand.

“Thought we’d start him off on something easy, y’know? So, soup,” Varric said, and then gestured to the tray in front of him, “Also got some other stuff. For me and also to see if he liked any of it. You want any of this? Don’t think I can finish it.”

Laura nodded and pulled the tray in front of her, stripping a leg of chicken with her fingers.

“C’mon, Kid, soup’s easy to eat; hardly ever throw it up or anything,” Varric told Cole. Cole grimaced and dropped a hand from the table to his stomach.

"But my stomach hurts,” he muttered.

“Probably because you haven’t eaten for… I mean…” Laura looked at him, “Over a year, if you said you stopped eating after the Spire.”

“Yes.”

Laura’s frown deepened as she began to eat the chicken. “Cole if you don’t eat you’ll starve.”

Cole’s eyes shot up to her, suddenly hard. “I know what happens when people don’t eat.” His voice isn’t harder than usual, but there’s something underneath it.

“I know,” Laura said, quietly, “So you know you need to eat.”

Cole looked back down at his soup and slowly picked up his spoon. Varric and Laura glanced at each other as he dipped the spoon in, lifted it back and, and stared at it intensly as it hovered in front of his face. Finally, he opened his mouth and swallowed the soup.

And then he grimaced.

“This is odd.”

Varric sighed and Laura smiled sympathetically.

They managed to get Cole to eat about a quarter of the bowl before he refused to eat anymore. Instead, he pushed the bowl towards Laura and told her to eat the rest of it. She sighed before taking the spoon from his hand and finishing off the bowl.

* * *

 

Later that night, Laura woke up from nightmares again.

She lied in bed, shivering and drenched in cold sweat, trailing her fingers over the scars grooving deep into her waist. Finally, she got out of bed and changed into some cleaner clothes, and slipped out of her room.

She rubbed her eyes as she wandered around Skyhold, and eventually fell onto a bench in the courtyard. She stared up at the dark sky; the stars seemed closer, this high up in the mountains. The moon hung far away, falling between the sky and the silhouette of a mountain. Laura huffed, and her breath came out in a white cloud.

“You’ve been having nightmares.”

Laura huffed again, and turned to see Cole sitting next to her. Even though he was wearing his hat, the position of the moon illuminated his face. He looked at her, pained. “You’ve been having nightmares about Adamant. _Demons sliding across stone. Skin ripping and blood gushing and pain blooming beyond the wound. Claws clutching to cartilage and crunching through bone._ The wound is healed but your mind’s still scared.”

Laura sighed and smiled softly at him. “Its just a thing that happens sometimes, to a lot of Leliana’s agents. I’ll get over it.”

“But I should have helped you,” Cole said.

“What?”

“You’ve been having the dreams since Adamant,” Cole began fidgeting with his sleeves, still staring at her intensely, “And I could have helped you but I didn’t. I didn’t want to help anyone then. I just wanted to stop being scared. So I didn’t help you, but I should have.”

Laura gave him an incredulous look. “What? Cole no look. You were dealing with some… really bad stuff, ok?” She moved closer to him, and slowly placed her hand on his. He looked down at their joint hands, and then back up to her, “Its fine, really.”

“But you were scared. I don’t want you to be scared.”

Laura breathed out a laugh and shook her head, “Cole, you can’t help everyone all the time, ok?”

“But that’s what I’m meant to do.”

“That’s what you _used_ to do,” Laura bit her lip, and squeezed his hand briefly, “But now you’re more human and… sometimes humans have to help themselves before they help someone else. Because if they don’t, then something bad might happen.” Cole still looked troubled, so Laura said, “You were scared of being bound. If you hadn’t of made yourself a priority to stop yourself being bound, who knows what would have happened? But you’ve helped yourself now, so you can help other people again.”

Cole blinked at her. Under her hand, he turned his over and linked their fingers together. Laura smiled at him, and, after a moment, he smiled back at her.

“You were in pain…” he muttered. Laura nodded.

“And I’m better now. Both because I’m not worrying about you anymore, and also because you’re here. And _also_ because this kind of thing just takes time to help make better.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t get better,” Cole said. His eyes drifted to the moon, “People in Skyhold always have nightmares. The Iron Bull dreams of Seheron. Dorian dreams of Tevinter. Mariana dreams of Ostagar. Tommon dreams of his sister dying in chains. You dream of Adamant.”

“Yeah…” Cole looked back at her, “I guess… we need to remember horrible things to learn from them, but sometimes they get stuck in our minds, and we keep dreaming about them. All we can do is… deal with them, and find people who help make them better.” Cole tilted his head at her, and Laura leaned in slightly, smiling, “And for me, you’re one of those people. So I need you to sometimes take care of yourself, even if it means you can’t help me or other people while you do that.”

Cole blinked at her for a long while, and finally, he said, softly, “Ok. I’ll try.”

The sun was beginning the rise above the mountains. In the buildings of the castle, servants began to wake to prepare for their daily duties. Laura and Cole stayed on the bench, holding hands and watching the sky above them lighten.

* * *

 

Laura, Mariana and Tommon were all shuffled into Leliana’s rookery by a hasty, nervous looking messenger. Leliana glanced up from her maps as they entered, and the messenger hovered nervously by the stairs.

“Yes, thank you,” she said, her face impassive. The messenger jumped, stuttered out an attempt at a reply, and almost fell down the stairs as he left. Laura watched him go with a raised eyebrow, and Tommon rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. Mariana waited patiently as Leliana walked around the desk, her face becoming slightly less impassive but still no less professional.

She eyed Tommon, Laura and Mariana for a moment, and Tommon finally uncrossed his arms and stood up straighter. Leliana gave him a miniscule nod, before folding her fingers together.

“How much do you know of the Inquisitions’ plans to infiltrate the Winter Palace and stop an assassination attempt against Empress Celene?” she asked.

“Just the fact that it is, indeed, a plan in motion and that the Inquisitor will have to discover who the assassin is while there,” Mariana answered.

“So you all know many members of the Inquisition will be attending,” Leliana said.

“Not who, though,” Tommon added, and then furrowed his brow, “apart from the Inquisitor, obviously.”

“Yes, the Inquisitor shall be attending,” Leliana moved back to her desk and picked up several envelopes, “As will I, Commander Rutherford, and Josephine. The Inquisitor will also be taking several members of her Inner Circle, but she has not decided who yet.” She then held the envelopes out to them, “And so will you three.”

“What?” Laura said. Mariana took the envelopes from Leliana, handed the one with Laura’s name on it to her, and the one with Tommon’s name on it to him.

“Not as part of the Inquisition, of course,” Leliana said, a trace of humour in her voice, “You will be going to collect information on several members of Orlesian nobility I have been keeping tabs on for several years. Its possible some of the information may be useful to the Inquisition, but that is not its primary purpose.”

Tommon had already opened his envelope and was scanning through it as Leliana spoke, so Leliana gestured to him, “Tommon, I’m afraid its virtually impossible for you to enter the Winter Palace as a guest, so you will have to masquerade as a servant-”

“Really not complaining about that, ma’am,” Tommon muttered. Leliana’s lips quirked up into a smile, and she gestured to Laura and Mariana, “You two, however, _will_ be there as guests. Your invitations, instructions and targets are all in the envelopes, as well as a work pass for Tommon.”

Laura opened her envelope and glanced at the invitation addressed to _Madame Georgiana Theroux_ , a regular alias of hers, and the scanned the names of people Leliana wanted information on.

“The Inquisition will officially be leaving in a week,” Leliana said, “You three, however, will depart a day before. The address for the inn you will be staying in is also enclosed in the envelopes. The rooms are already paid for, and transport to and from the Winter Palace is already arranged. I would say this would be a relatively simple mission, but then, it _is_ the Winter Palace, and I don’t like to tempt fate.” Leliana smiled at them all and, clearly dismissed, they all left.

They made their way to the tavern and, after Tommon pulled in a round of mead and Mariana bought herself dinner as she apparently hadn’t eaten all day, they sat around a small table, all of them reading through their notes from Leliana.

“Guess I’m gonna have to get used to being called _Gregor_ ,” Tommon said, holding up his work pass, “What kind of name is Gregor?! I’ve never used that name before!”

Laura shrugged, “I’m just going back to Georgiana Theroux.”

“Alice LeRey,” Mariana said, placing her invitation on the table.

Tommon opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it, looking over into the corner of the tavern, confused. “Oi, Laura some guy in a hat is staring at you.”

“Huh?” Laura looked over to see Cole standing at the bottom of the stairs. He wasn’t staring at her, per se, but his eyes were fixed in her general direction, unfocused as he listened to things only he could here. Laura smiled at him, and folded up her notes, slipping them into her pockets.

“I take it this is the illusive man you have been seeing?” Mariana asked. Laura choked slightly on the mead she’d just taken a gulp of, and shook her head.

“Maker, Mariana I’ve explained this to Tommon before; he’s Cole. The one Leliana set me to watch. I’m not _seeing_ him.”

“I apologise,” Mariana said, dipping her head.

“Don’t think I’ve ever actually seen him before,” Tommon said, squinting at Cole. Laura huffed and crossed her arms.

“You have, you just never remember,” she said. Tommon and Mariana both looked at her, extremely confused. Laura rubbed her forehead and debated whether it was worth the effort informing them or not. She decided on a short version, explaining that Cole used to have certain abilities due to circumstances she was not permitted to tell them, that, until recently, caused people to forget him. And now they could stop constantly asking her who her target for ‘Inner Circle Duty’ was, and she could get on with her work.

She finished off her mead, stood up, and made her way over to Cole. “You alright?” she asked, looking up to him. He snapped out of listening to the thoughts around him, and smiled when he looked down to her. After a moment, though, his smile faltered.

“I told Varric I would try to eat something today, but I haven’t yet.” He said. Laura gave him a stern look.

“Well, guess I’ll just have to make sure you do.”

“I already have food upstairs. I thought maybe it would be easier to eat there because its not as loud as down here. But then I heard a woman who had lost her wife, and I came down to help. I think I forgot about the food until now,” Cole looked up the stairs, and Laura sighed.

“C’mon then. It’ll probably be cold by now, but you still need to eat something.” She took his hand and led him upstairs. When they passed Sera’s open door, Sera looked up from the box she was rifling through briefly, looked down, and then looked back up. She leaned out of her door and watched as Laura pulled Cole up more stairs, and made a face, sticking her tongue out before going back to her box.

Upstairs, there was a bowl of cooling soup on the table, next to a glass of drooping forget me nots. Laura pinched a few petals between her fingers and glanced at Cole.

“I’ll have to get you some more,” she said, “C’mon, this soup can’t be that bad.”

Cole, however, didn’t move. Instead, he turned around and looked at the pile of pillows in the corner.

“Cole?”

“I… have something for you,” he said. Laura tilted her head, and Cole bent down and pulled something out from under a pillow. “I was going to look for you later, but you found me first. Here.”

He held out a bunch of forget me nots. Laura looked down at with a bemused smile. Cole pressed them into Laura’s hand, and then began fiddling with his fingers.

“I know you said it was fine I didn’t help you when I was scared. But I wanted to say sorry. And you always give me flowers to make me feel better, so I thought maybe I could give you some too.”

Laura grinned brightly at him, and then wrapped her arms around him tightly. He bought his arms up to wrap around her waist; he tightened them, and then loosened them, and then tightened them again, as if trying to find the correct pressure. When he’d settled on one, Laura held the hug for a few seconds longer, before stepping back.

“Thank you,” she said, sitting the flowers carefully into her skirt pocket. “Now! Dinner! Eat!”

Cole picked up the soup off the table, along with a spoon, and sat down on the floor, cross legged. Laura fell down into the pillows, and they sat in silence as Cole made his way through the now cold dinner. When he was about half way through, he looked up at her.

“The Inquisitor is taking me to the Winter Palace,” he said. Laura blinked.

“Really?”

“Yes. She said she thinks I’ll be helpful in trying to find the assassin.”

“Hm. Yeah she’s probably right, actually. Leliana’s sending me.”

Cole’s eyes brightened, “You’ll be there?”

Laura smiled at him, “Yeah. I don’t much like balls, but I suppose it won’t be that bad if I can find some time to spend with you.”

“I would like that.”

* * *

 

Laura woke the day she was supposed to leaving for Orlais. She packed a small bag of extra clothes, strapped the Cole had given her to her waist, and left her room.

As she was crossing the courtyard, she heard someone calling her name. She stopped, turned, and saw the Inquisitor walking towards her. She managed to stop her eyes from widening, but she still tensed slightly. She hadn’t spoken to the Inquisitor at all, not even when she was simply the Herald in Haven.

The Inquisitor stopped in front of her, and looked at her curiously. “I’m sorry,” the Inquisitor said, “but I wanted to catch you before you left. Its not… really important, but I don’t want it to wait until after Halamshiral.”

“What can I do for you, Lady Inquisitor?” Laura asked, readjusting her bag on her shoulder. The Inquisitor suddenly looked nervous.

“It’s just… you’re close with Cole, yes?”

Laura sighed internally. “Yes, we’re very good friends.”

“What has he told you about Rhys?”

Laura blinked. She hadn’t quite been expecting that question. She shrugged. “He’s told me how Rhys was his first friend. His only friend, for a long time.”

The Inquisitor nodded, “He told me about him a while ago. Since then, I’ve been attempting to contact him.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. Recently I had some success. Rhys and a templar he was travelling with, named Evangeline, offered their services to the Inquisition. And even more recently, it seems they might need to come to Skyhold.”

Laura crossed her arms. “I… not to seem disrespectful, Lady Inquisitor, but I don’t understand why you’re telling me this.”

The Inquisitor huffed, and shuffled back, and she suddenly looked so nervous and inexperienced that Laura remembered she had literally been thrown into being the only person who could save the world less than a year ago. The Inquisitor may be older than Laura, but Laura new she had much more experience. She gave the Inquisitor an encouraging smile.

“Its just… well, when Cole told me about him, he asked me not to contact Rhys. He was scared, I think, of what Rhys might think of him. But I did anyway, and it was good I did because the Inquisition ended up saving his life. Cole found out about that, and was upset I contacted him but happy he was alive. I just… you know Cole very well. I want to know if you think it’s a good idea if I invite Rhys here, or perhaps find a reason as to why he and his party can’t come.”

Laura’s brow creased, and she looked up at the sky. “Has Rhys mentioned anything about Cole to you?”

“He… mentioned once having a friend who was a spirit. In passing, more than anything, but I don’t think what he said seemed negative.”

Laura was silent for a while. Then she said, “If Rhys and his party are coming here, anyway, I don’t see why they shouldn’t. But maybe you should tell him that Cole’s here. Hopefully he’ll want to see him. Although… honestly I wouldn’t tell Cole until after all this at the Winter Palace has blown over. He’s been through a lot recently and he deserves a break.”

The Inquisitor nodded. “Yes. Ok, thank you. Cole is very important to me; I don’t want him to be unhappy.”

Laura smiled. “Neither do I.”

The Inquisitor nodded again. “I’ll let you go. I suppose I might see you at the Winter Palace?”

“Not if I’m doing my job right,” Laura said, smirking. The Inquisitor held back a giggle, and went back into the castle. Laura breathed in deeply, and then turned, making her way towards the merchants’ cart she, Tommon and Leliana would be travelling down the mountain with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I'm throwing Laura into every major quest I mean what else were you expecting?
> 
> Also, I am honestly severely disappointed by the lack of 'Rhys comes to Skyhold to see Cole' fics out there. I have searched high and low and have only found like 2. So sad. So so sad.
> 
> Anyways, unis over so I have more time to write. Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of it all!


End file.
